wish i could start over, back at square one/
but i know i cant do that, whats done is done/
it was a mistake that i wont ever again make/
i still cant believe that i cheated on my one and only mate/
i still have love towards her, but all she feels is hate/
i cant shake this feeling, its weird/
its one of ma worst dreams, its what i feared/
i was dumb, thought i was pimping/
then her best friend found out and caught me creeping/
should i play stupid and deny it,pimp two girls at once and go for the ultimate prize?/
or should i admit to cheating, would that be wise?/
my mouth can say i dont care but my heart says otherwise/
i just cant take it,every time she sees me, intent on hating me/
cant believe i was dumb enough to cheat/
i thought i was smart, thought i was cool/
so i guess its just right she ripped my heart in two/
this love thing,i just dont get this/
without her i wont ever do what ma rapperz name is/(under ma avatar and info)


yo this is a true story...................

yo. upping for feed back.

upping for good feedback.

upping for positive feedback people.

..............4/10....

baaaaaaaa...........sike naw, thanks upping for some more feedback.

upping..................

this was decent work on emotion vocab and immagry........get rid of the / after the lines ppl hate it.....and try not to force/stretch lines
keep up the work and you'll do fine....

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.:Retired:.

thanks fam. upping on this.

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My Verses Can Set Fire To The Best MC's Out There. So Bring It If You Ready To Die.

^^true, rhymes make it all sound better if you know where to rhyme it at, but overall it's not all that bad, i felt that way wit these 2 gurls, but I didnt cheat, like Mid-Night said, This rite herr should be a great way to elevate!!

6.5/10

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:.:Relaunched Originals:.:

Eazy Duz It Bitch...or get Popped

whatever dawg. upping for feedback.

This poem was okay, the rhymes was really way too basic man, you should use better vocab, but since it's a poem, you should use no rhymes, cuz then you can explain better. You should also think of using emotion so the reader would understand it more and feel what you feel, you know wut i mean?? overall 5/10

please leave feedback on this poem

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=167527

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Was pretty good. The rhyming was on here and there... and it was a deep subject.


Return the favor? Appreciated.
Final Kiss

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do your research.

thanks people. upping for more positive feedback.