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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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12-21-04, 07:45 PM
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#1
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.::Outside The Circle::.
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never-ending...
IP:
as quiet laughter fills the room.. my visions still blurred.. i can feel the pupils staring.. but yet no one says a word.. as my nerves tense up... i feel the steady beating in my chest.. the worst pain has past... now nothing left but the best.. my mind slowly eases.. and i take one last breath... I know it seems to early.. but its my time to meet death.. the sorrows never ending.. but i know my secrets you'll keep.. as i face the facts of manhood... i take the fatal leap.... Zane Eury 12-21-04
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12-21-04, 09:37 PM
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#2
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Ya mom massages my nuts
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IP:
this was ah'ight...a little too simplistic in my opnion...get more metaphorically wit ya poetry...if you had made ya lines more complex...u woulda had a stronger piece but as is...its a solid....7/10...stay up...good job
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Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice Because at the end of the day, you get what you give So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is |
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12-21-04, 10:01 PM
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#3
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yawn
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IP:
^ agreed, it was really simple... but very deep in the same. Wasnt too bad of a drop... Just lookin for more metaphors, similes, vocab here and there. This was just too basic for me... 6/10
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do your research.  |
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12-24-04, 09:14 AM
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#4
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.::Outside The Circle::.
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IP:
uuuuuppppppppiiiiiiinnnnn
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