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02-27-05, 04:07 PM | #1 | ||
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Yeah for Techno this is a haiku
IP:
ok so i lied
ok i know. i know... this was an acousitc song i did a while back .. there was a piano . and there was a girl sing'n a melody and repeat'n what i was saying remember where i fell for you? how about that time we walked so far that we got lost and we didnt care. because we were on the side where we were all but safe and i owe this memory to you its simple enough . it wasnt malicious it was just what we needed the most. i will lie awake and for get to fade away to sleep barley breathing as you whisper your last words. i grab your hand but you loosen your grasp and as we forgot . we just never had a chance to move on. i remember i remember i make myself remember . but you could never fall asleep. we would just lay out there in that field where the old use to weep ,cry and wail it was nothing til we set sail on that summers night. i wonder. but never to much . simply to get that o so subtle rush. when enough is never enough and all of your thoughts just turned to the shadows to forget the fear. on your porch we waited for years before you got over yourself . GREAT JOB,FEATURED POEM THIS WEEK~Fluid
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Â-balam balam i treat yall like cans of spam Free Time... I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live Secret Society/Cut Throat Last edited by ULTIMATE SPY : 03-01-05 at 11:07 PM. |
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02-27-05, 04:57 PM | #2 | ||
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP:
wow, great piece here spy...you're structure is a mess, but i like to think the words are most important, because they are, and in this case you have good visual words, and descriptiveness to em, i lked this piece a lot, your closer was dope too..keep droppin.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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03-02-05, 12:26 PM | #3 | |
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IP:
Was okay...Didn't catch too much of my attention.
But good nonetheless. Keep writing |
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