Battle Rules:

15-50 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Topical Battle

Topic:Injustice



Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 03-08-05 at 01:49 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

Indeph has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-05-05 01:54 PM.

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CounTREE Jay has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-07-05 12:25 AM.

that was cool man

Dammit, i had a dope ass verse, and this shit just deleted it, i'm fuckin' pissed. Aight ima try to do this again.

Will sat on the steps that were in front of his building,
Thinking what part of my life was ever really fufilling?
Young hanging wit my friends, causing mischief,
Buying name brand clothes so I wouldn't be a misfit.
There was always friends and people to hang wit,
To get respect, I eventually had to get on some gang shit.
It was necessary for money, power, but mostly protection,
Started out small-time, doing money collection,
I loved the Respect and also the moeny, but i wanted more,
So I found myself in a ski mask waving a gun in the store.
What a success, i got love and pats on the back from the guys,
But get some of those dope-lookin' teardrops next to my eyes.
Had to get strapped up again, get ready for war,
Out to end some man's life over a wrong color i saw.
I got my homie, and we headed to the man's residence, Thinkin' of the respect i'd get, and the dead presidents.
But someone musta warned him about what was goin' down,
Now my friend's layed low, his brains beside him on the ground.
I quickly blasted the man, made sure he didn't die in vain,
Got prayin' hands tatooed on my arm, and underneath, his name.
And to me that made up for his life, he died like a G,
Occasionally pour liquor, or throw blunt roaches to the breeze.
Life goes on, went back to the block with the same mentality,
Women and all the drugs, help me slip in and out of reality.
Then mom passed away, overdose, made me think about life.
I never got a white pickett fence, 2.5 kidds and a wife.
I feel empty inside, it's almost like I don't have a soul,
Uniting my "nation" around me under 1 flag is my only goal.
I was blinded by my surrondings, trying to "keep it real",
A gang of mice trying to be men, all taught not to squeal.
I want to change for the better, hopefully it's not to late,
To turn my life around, and maybe I can change my fate.
I can start up my schooling again, maybe even try college,
I heard a long time ago the key to power is knowledge.
As he lept of the steps, ran into the night towards his new life,
A car was creeping by slowly, that had turned off its headlights.
ANd the last thing to go through his mind before the hollow-tips,
Was the real injustice here is I end my life with all these "what-ifs".

-CJ-

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Someone fuckin' vote goddammit!...............................

-CJ-

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Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvote Unit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Voted For: Indeph

CJ
whoa you suprized me the stucture was as good but the flow was very good the vocab was great the emotion was pretty good but the thing i didnt feel was your imagery it seemed like you would change shit up a bit and jock it around work on that and it would be alot better at topicals, its all you really need, i kinda got that same problem, pz

Indeph
well of coarse you got this the stucutre was ight coulda been better emotion was flawless and the imagery was flawless the vocab was super dope as well i thought you took this alot better and i like the way you write each line you changed it up a lil better to understand, thank god!, pz

RTF in my battle with A_M_H links in the sig

Voted For: Indeph


Indeph
came out pretty damn good nice imagery and great emotion threwout the topic the vocab was very great and i seen very great wording and it was just super great and i like the way you write each line now before it was more hard to understand ish every so on

CJ
i thought you had a pretty good verse but you lacked good imagery and stucutre i thought you needed to up your vocab a bit more but the emotion was very great and the flow was flawless

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Aight, cool, thanx for the feedback too guys.......Uppin' for more votes.

-CJ-

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Voted For: CounTREE Jay

checkin polls...

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Voted For: Indeph

wow...............this was a great topical.

countree-alright you had a pretty solid drop.........you had imagry which is needed.....lol....but the pictures i got from it were on point.......you had pretty good flow........you had okay structure even tho topicals i dont think it should matter..........your vocab was kinda basic.......you need to elevate on that some......work on more multi's to help your flow out more.........you had good rhyme scheme and good emotion.....i felt more emotion towards the end which made your verse more interesting.......you had a solid drop but indeph had a better verse

indeph-aiight fam your verse was off the chain........i like how you got creative and chose to write about each setting........and the fact that you added true meanign in it about the celebs gettin off easy and shit.......madd creative...........your verse had some emotion....not much but like countree it was more towars the end.....cuz in yours it didnt start to get more personal till the end.......your structure was good........your flow.........wow where to start.......it was amazing.....your multi usage was awesome......you were alwyas good a flowin..........your vocab was beter than countree's and your imagry was there throughout your verse so it made it better.......you just had a nice verse.........

good job the both of you.......keep it up

v/indeph

*can but dont have to rtf*

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dope shit man.............................................

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...The real Renegade before Hova...