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View Poll Results: Who won this battle?
Non Capisco 5 100.00%
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL 0 0%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 03-18-05, 05:17 PM   #1
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL vs Non Capisco

IP:

Battle Rules:

6 - UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting


topic-got shot



...i kno its a played topic but this is my first topical so i need somethin easy...

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 03-18-05 at 05:47 PM

Must drop verse in 45 minutes after check in.
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Old 03-18-05, 05:18 PM   #2
System
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ThaEViLGeNiUs GL has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-18-05 05:18 PM.
 
Old 03-18-05, 05:37 PM   #3
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
IP:

10 05...its a coke deal gone awry
im sittin hea left ta die, wit 3 shots in my side
my 2 partnas took 2 to tha head, instantly they dead
no tears were shead
but from here on its an upward battle, i gotta keep pushin
tha wounds r blood gooshin
how could this happen 2 me B, im invincible
jus cuz i jackd nigga ova a ki, i was shot on prinicple
i need 2 pull thru ,cuz i got a lady n a kid to feed
i cant imagine a life witout my wife n my newborn seed
my sides gon numb i cant feel it
i cant shake death from my mind, i cant peel it
deaths knockin at my door, he wants my life, hes willin to steal it
hes graspin my throat, i can feel it
my lungs tighten up, im short of my breath
n im jus a few short moments away from my death
somebody please save me, i cant go out like this
shot by some angry coke heads who dont giv 1 piss
im inches from hell, i can feel tha steam...
"baby wake up, its all just a bad dream"



yea my first topical, dont b too harsh
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Old 03-18-05, 05:37 PM   #4
System
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Non Capisco has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-18-05 05:37 PM.
 
Old 03-18-05, 05:37 PM   #5
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
IP:

cooo i got my verse in........................................
__________________


Armageddon...Comin Soon!!


Southern Niggaz Dont Dance We B Saggin R Pants
So Low U Can See R Boxas Mayn
We Body Roc
We Body Roc
Body Roc Body Roc,Fa Sho
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Old 03-18-05, 05:50 PM   #6
Bangalore
...
 
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Posts: 3,129
From: Chicago,IL
IP:

Getting Shot

walking down the same street things so familiar
never thought anything bad would ever happen
check this. victim of the night stray bullet, the violence
i heard the crack the shot. i felt the burn and then silence
i watch things go up fast. i can't feel my breath. this can't be
simply i hear the gurgle as i strain to try and breathe
please lord don't , as i close my eyes looking for peace
i see a white light. ... suddenly the burn wakes me
i clutch the hole that has become a part of me
waiting for the sirens as pray gurgling "please"
grasping onto life. this night. is forever in my memory
i see the lights as they fast approach. quickly
the people stand there and simply just stare
as i contemplate the events of what jus happen'd
"i remember me and Devi being kids jus laughing"
i need a second chance , what did i do to deserve this?
the ambulance approaches .......as i begin to lose it
as i lay. a face. comes over me. and tells me to stay calm
she holds my hand and says "don't worry it won't be long"
they rush me to the hospital . this is an emergency
i'm whisked off for a complicated surgery

as i wake to the rays of light . all i can remember
is the burn'n sensation of the last night
they were close to giving me my last rights
but the lord gave me a chance to fight
the doctor comes over . hold'n the piece of lead
i look at it its all mangled i shoudla been dead
he said ."if it was just a centimeter up. perhaps
your left lung probably coulda collapsed
i stare at my ceiling. fold my hands and begin to pray
thank you lord for letting me see another day.
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Old 03-18-05, 05:52 PM   #7
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
IP:

uppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn fa some votessssssssssssssssssssss
__________________


Armageddon...Comin Soon!!


Southern Niggaz Dont Dance We B Saggin R Pants
So Low U Can See R Boxas Mayn
We Body Roc
We Body Roc
Body Roc Body Roc,Fa Sho
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Old 03-18-05, 06:00 PM   #8
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
IP:

uppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnn
__________________


Armageddon...Comin Soon!!


Southern Niggaz Dont Dance We B Saggin R Pants
So Low U Can See R Boxas Mayn
We Body Roc
We Body Roc
Body Roc Body Roc,Fa Sho
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Old 03-18-05, 06:14 PM   #9
ThaEViLGeNiUs GL
Flyweight
 
Posts: 131
From: san antonio
IP:

uppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnn
__________________


Armageddon...Comin Soon!!


Southern Niggaz Dont Dance We B Saggin R Pants
So Low U Can See R Boxas Mayn
We Body Roc
We Body Roc
Body Roc Body Roc,Fa Sho
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Old 03-18-05, 06:16 PM   #10
Germ
in your system
 
Posts: 7,619
From: Adanac
IP:

Voted For: Non Capisco

okay, this actually wasnt that bad for both writing your first topicals

genius...aight, you're on the right track i think...but your structure and flow need alot of work, try and keep it consistent, dont make bars too short, and dont stretch, gotta find a nice medium....i was feeling the verse most in the middle...thats when you started into a nice groove of imagery and emotion....using descriptive words to paint a picture of the events....i think if you work hard, you could be a pretty decent topical writer, but you still need to elevate alot, but not bad for your first drop, keep up

capisco....i was pretty impressed with this piece, for your first...you had really good imagery/emotion, which is what separated...you had a good handle on the vocab, but in some places it coulda been better...wordplay was good....you had decent structure, it was a little off at times....but overall, you stayed pretty consistent with that.....very good imagery, but you still need to work alot too, id suggest, structure...tune up on that....and vocab and wordplay....so, good drop by both for newbies...good job

v/non capisco
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Old 03-18-05, 07:34 PM   #11
Bangalore
...
 
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Posts: 3,129
From: Chicago,IL
IP:

i like topical i think i might keep doin em.....anyways uppin
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Old 03-18-05, 07:40 PM   #12
Adam
 
Posts: 13,384
From: Canada
IP:

Voted For: Non Capisco

ThaEViLGeNiUs GL - You dropped an allright verse. You really should have taken adavantage of the line limit and went farther with this. You had some good ideas. Your structure could have been better, and it seemed like you forced most of your rhymes. The emotion was allright, and the ending was okay...but you didn't flow as well as you could of, and the story really wasn't thought out that well. But for your first topical...nice drop...just elevate a bit on using more emotion, think out a better story line, and get a good good structure....6/10

Non Capisco - Good drop man. You had a half decent structure but it brought a good flow to your topical. The vocabulary was pretty good and it added to the emotion of this piece. Good story line, it flowed good and made me want to continue reading. Keep up and elevate a bit on your structure and you'll drop a bit better....This was pretty good though for your first topical...7.5/10

Vote: Non Capisco
 
Old 03-18-05, 11:06 PM   #13
Bangalore
...
 
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Posts: 3,129
From: Chicago,IL
IP:

someone fucking vote on this..................................
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I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live

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Old 03-18-05, 11:24 PM   #14
Speats
Hell yeah
 
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Posts: 4,248
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Voted For: Non Capisco

lol easy one,your structure is way better,nice vocab,nice creation,nice everything,impress for a first topical,
the only just didnt have it,and was borin to read,no hate but true,i like it when they'res no mistake and shit,its cooler to read,pretty nice seriously non capisto,sorry if teres a mistake,
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Old 03-24-05, 12:24 AM   #15
The Blacc Bar
WESTCOAST
 
Posts: 381
From: the click-the bricks-were its mixed
IP:

Voted For: ThaEViLGeNiUs GL

checkin da polls............................................. ....


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