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Old 04-19-05, 02:48 PM   #1
Calm
Divine Ascension
 
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Posts: 310
From: Eye of The Storm
Encaged in Pages

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Coming to rest on sheets is my stress relieved
Context conceived when my fingers stretch to keys
Disconnecting me from the normal day you see
a white cell with blue bars encaging me
Enraging the beast that became of He
Insane mc screaming out the page at thee
Yes see, that he that is chained is me
Trapped in a storm of sentences that rains in ink
Then drains in sinks of tubs leaving paper rings
With flow that’s thought quenching, hope u take a drink
What makes you think that this is a tasteful read
You could never write if you’re afraid to bleed
This is the essence of me. What compels it to be.
The heart of “Ger” but 1st S-O-L to the D (soldger=soldier)
The more that you read you’ll notice the focus in me
The goals that I’ve reached and others that I hope to achieve
Soon you will see the destiny I’m choosing for me
My mind is a ocean the verse is a boat in the sea
Every word that you read gets me closer to free
My success is oxygen…Its supposed to be breathed


link
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=186885
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Old 04-19-05, 02:53 PM   #2
Murdah.txt
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good drop homie nice flow nice vocab wordplay structure dope drop man
9/10 keep it up dogg ull be a dope text head werd
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Old 04-19-05, 05:28 PM   #3
the iron
New to RV
 
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i like this drop i felt the rhyme skeem and all...keep droppin like this and you'll chop heads..if you want to do a colabo just hit me and check my verse "lil huh?"
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Old 04-19-05, 09:01 PM   #4
Calm
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From: Eye of The Storm
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thanx fam

upp for more feed
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-Transcending The Heavens-
I am before before...
Before death is eternity, After death is eternity.
There is no death, only eternity.
And I be riding the wings of eternity...



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3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively
I'm a Bad Man
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Old 04-19-05, 09:08 PM   #5
Germ
in your system
 
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From: Adanac
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this was tight man....liking the flow, and the not-overusing vocab, haha, i think you put your ideas together very well on this........you are a talented writer.......here is my fav lines

What makes you think that this is a tasteful read
You could never write if you’re afraid to bleed
Soon you will see the destiny I’m choosing for me
My mind is a ocean the verse is a boat in the sea

word, keep up yo....and can you RTF, thanks, if not.....whatever
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Old 04-20-05, 08:53 AM   #6
Calm
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Posts: 310
From: Eye of The Storm
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thanx fam..uppin
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-Transcending The Heavens-
I am before before...
Before death is eternity, After death is eternity.
There is no death, only eternity.
And I be riding the wings of eternity...



___________________________________________


3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively
I'm a Bad Man
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Old 04-20-05, 08:58 AM   #7
Critic
Black Poet
 
Posts: 1,474
From: London
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Some man I was feeling this verse, decent flow but could have been
a bit more complex but it was good. Nice emotion and hott Vocab...

All round Very decent verse I liked the closing bar dopeness...

Stay up

1~
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Old 04-20-05, 01:39 PM   #8
Calm
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no doubt. thanx
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-Transcending The Heavens-
I am before before...
Before death is eternity, After death is eternity.
There is no death, only eternity.
And I be riding the wings of eternity...



___________________________________________


3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively
I'm a Bad Man
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Old 04-20-05, 04:59 PM   #9
BkBrawla
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Yo The flow of your verse is aiight. Words and the expressions was good, you had good imaginary, upp your emotion though. Words are creative. I say this a good drop.


My fav lines is...............

The more that you read you’ll notice the focus in me
The goals that I’ve reached and others that I hope to achieve
Soon you will see the destiny I’m choosing for me
My mind is a ocean the verse is a boat in the sea
Every word that you read gets me closer to free
My success is oxygen…Its supposed to be breathed


Upp your vocab.



Keep it up fam.
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Old 04-20-05, 05:27 PM   #10
PreZidict
...Liven Proof...
 
Posts: 364
From: Big Apple
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ayo good shit man...i was feelin da flow, wordplay, rhyme scheme, vocab, and da structure was tight as hell...i was feelin dis line

The heart of “Ger” but 1st S-O-L to the D
The more that you read you’ll notice the focus in me
The goals that I’ve reached and others that I hope to achieve
Soon you will see the destiny I’m choosing for me

9.5/10......stay up
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Old 04-20-05, 05:32 PM   #11
Acuity
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the closing bar is ill..................if u do poetry get at me on AIm=Acuity2k5 ...lets collab
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Old 04-20-05, 06:31 PM   #12
B. Magik
Sam Dope
 
Posts: 3,499
From: STL
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Wow...dope shit from the beginning to the end...Really good job man...Loved the rhyme scheme and the multies...Did a good job speaking your mind...In my opinion, this was damn-near perfect I loved it...9.5/10 man stay up...1
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Old 04-21-05, 12:06 AM   #13
Calm
Divine Ascension
 
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Posts: 310
From: Eye of The Storm
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i'm loving the feed back... if yall like this yall gon love my next couple of joints
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-Transcending The Heavens-
I am before before...
Before death is eternity, After death is eternity.
There is no death, only eternity.
And I be riding the wings of eternity...



___________________________________________


3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively
I'm a Bad Man
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Old 04-21-05, 03:55 PM   #14
Calm
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Posts: 310
From: Eye of The Storm
IP:

uppin this i'll drop sum new shit soon
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-Transcending The Heavens-
I am before before...
Before death is eternity, After death is eternity.
There is no death, only eternity.
And I be riding the wings of eternity...



___________________________________________


3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively
I'm a Bad Man
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Old 04-21-05, 03:58 PM   #15
B. Magik
Sam Dope
 
Posts: 3,499
From: STL
IP:

Hey dawg return the favor and hit up the battles in my sig...
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