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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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05-10-05, 09:42 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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High Desire.
IP:
evil in my -dome-, rollin around thinkin can this be 'life'?/
crack your -chromozone- can this be 'right'/? your wish was granted your sent to 'death', political volume loud with 'nazareth'/ short tales with a 'meaning', blowin chronic smoke, with my name still 'screening'/ words distorted and 'bleeding', as i sit in this smokey room 'thinking'/ moms gone from snake bites into her 'veins', venom took tha cells out her 'brains'/ she wasnt the one so far 'away' when hazing clouds crouded her 'taste'/ voodoo, with liqued tar in tha needle, she just fades away with heroin & no leidel/ something takes apart of 'free', chronic clouds and a true heart in 'thee'/ so grasp my hand and walk with 'me', as we stroll thru the streets of 'hell'/ were below while thier in heaven workin & doin 'well', |destruction and deaths smell/ in my head the 'demons', 'screamin' 'beast' nests are 'seedin' & 'breedin'/ dark possesive 'candles' take tha young womans life, with a cold breeze of street 'skandals'/ tha soulja of tha woman is getting older realizing what 'life is', satan & 'strife is'/ what is life and why did i come? satanic seyonces with cultish 'desire' but still im spittin words of 'iron'/ why now IM so far 'away'...no meaning to my life...no reason to 'stay'/ feedback please. http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2143079
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Last edited by .TexT.a.WrecK. : 05-10-05 at 09:54 PM. |
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05-10-05, 10:08 PM
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#2
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B.I.G.
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IP:
u my rap type... but u still need sum structure and a lil mo flow.. yo vocab is perfect not much need ta improve
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 Bizzacckkk |
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05-13-05, 01:06 AM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP:
thx dawg ^
you fuckin ppl sleep hardcore.
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05-13-05, 09:11 AM
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#4
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Ka.Nek.ShuN
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IP:
yo this peice was aiight man.. u have good vocab.. structure a bit choppy but itll improve hope to see more chu..
rtf on my peices..
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.::BattleZ::. |
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05-13-05, 01:37 PM
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#5
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IP:
This was a decent peice... could have been alot better
structure was killing me , it was all over the place lines were stretched , You had nice vocab , but you still need to elevate on wordplay , and worden your bars so they dont come out stretched.. Also dont even your bars with .... and dont add all that excevise stuff like those - - or '' .. just makes your verse look sloppy. Overall keep it up , you have potential
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