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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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05-31-05, 09:00 PM
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#1
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BeAnToWN rEp
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gats on da bus
IP:
on da 19...same as usual/
seeing the gheto views sum wat beautiful/ lookin out da window listenin to dead rong/ wat happened next culd be seen as dead rong/ cop pulled up beside da bus woop woop/ da sirens on the vehicle went woop woop/ kid runs out gets snagged by the po-po/ y this happened to this kid..i dont know/ "ladies and gentleman that kid had a gun/ he dropped it sumwhere now we gotta check everyone/ sadi da cop/ no 1 nu had a clu we culd have been popped got shot/ by a kid in a white sox cap wit his name on tha back/ skin was black/ i bet da cop nu dat/ cuz they showed how racust/ ...they could be cuz 6 squad cars 2 paddy wagons wer around us/ i wouldnt have thought this could have happened on da bus this early/ on word b/ ya herd me/ all doze vehicles for just 1 kid bout 16/ didnt seem shady nor did he look mean/ no 1 woulda nu he was pakin heat if his mom didnt call da cops on him / den followed him/ askin dis kid mad questions/ his intentions/ searched da hole bus and didnt find shit/ his moms was fooled he had already dropped it/ track changes to styles soul clap/ lady yellin wtf ima be late 4 work what's this crap/ "maam relax" as they checked my bag/ if dat kid was really strapped i coulda been body bagged/ ....and as i got of the bus and got a betta look at this fool/ i noticed that me and him used to go to tha same school... true story..happend today on da bus..... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=192810 Last edited by wyteknyte : 05-31-05 at 09:11 PM. |
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05-31-05, 09:06 PM
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#2
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==bLaCk-HanD==
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IP:
Yo Homie, U Made Da Same Mistake I Did!
Structuring Yo Rhymez & Seperating Them Wid /// << U Gott Do 1 Line Then Press Enter Like I Am Right Now Do U Feel? on da 19...same as usual/ seeing the gheto views sum wat beautiful/ Lyke Dat Dawg, Good Lookin Tho Bro, Keep Yo Game Up & Keep Elevating, If U Need Anythin Scream@Ya'Boy...Pz Out, Deucez!
__________________
 ==I Don't Rhyme, I Just Explain Shit Real Good==
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05-31-05, 09:12 PM
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#3
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BeAnToWN rEp
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IP:
gud looks...khaoz
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05-31-05, 10:43 PM
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#4
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~*This Worldz A Sin So Why Hate Me For My Habits~*
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IP:
yo KHAOZ How Do You Put Links In Ya Sig N With The Name N everything Withought The DIGITZ n Shyt Like that!Just the Name??Reply N tell me How!
lol N Yo Mayne Nice Piece Was Feelin It Got into It N shyt N Remindz me when I Went to School!but work on da structure N da Wordplay N you Will be All good!holla!
__________________
"This Worlds A Sin So Why Hate Me For My Habits"-Gh0st-
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06-01-05, 04:49 AM
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#5
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[Munky]
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IP:
teh flow was kind of off and i didn't like the story.
kind of boring when you just tell a story, you should show every aspect, not just whats happening then work on it from there, vocab..line content metas' shit like that. keep up.
__________________
 That Sundown Produc`s n Shit. fuck YOU done good in life. |
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06-01-05, 07:52 AM
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#6
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Champion
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IP:
The structure was quite bad, but the story was good, you got a good flow, I like you, KUTGW, RTF on my OM "Faggot Ass bItches"
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
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06-01-05, 09:28 PM
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#7
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BeAnToWN rEp
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IP:
need more feed back
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06-01-05, 09:41 PM
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#8
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Do Re Mi
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IP:
i liked it kidd.. did that really happen or u jus usin imaginary shit.. but anyways i liked the story and some of the rhymes, flow was choppy but if it was audio it could be pulled off
__________________
crhyme sindicate . . . . . |
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06-02-05, 04:02 PM
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#9
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BeAnToWN rEp
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IP:
yea it happened
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06-02-05, 04:05 PM
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#10
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Human Crack in The Flesh.
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IP:
nicE story, StaND UP boston
__________________
Try Out Here
Join The Dynasty Today ----
THE 300 DYNASTY
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06-04-05, 09:12 AM
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#11
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Middle Weight
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IP:
offer criticism with softer rhythm// tower at my resident with the power of a president// veto polices if I see no qualities// my cousin is puzzling keep guzzling wines drunk all the time that junk not divine// watching Cox's cable thinking about marching him down to a detox stable//
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08-09-05, 12:35 AM
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#12
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BeAnToWN rEp
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IP:
old....but uppin
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08-09-05, 02:21 PM
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#13
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
iight u told the story well.....as everyone else said work on ya structure....unless thats how u want it to be rread.....even though thats a bad way to read it....up on ur vocab...ur multis ur wordplay rhyme scheme and such.....try and make ur lines end at the same point still 6.5/10....keep postin and elevatin....1
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08-09-05, 02:39 PM
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#14
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Middle Weight
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IP:
wearing hats a must cats got gatts on this bus so driver pull over please some fool shot a glock just to show he rule the block don't understand that how nobody believes in hand-to-hand combat anymore
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08-09-05, 02:59 PM
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#15
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
^^lol gets funnier and funnier everytime
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