RapVerse.com Community - artÃstica~Mente vs Triple

06-03-05, 02:44 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

artÃ-stica~Mente vs Triple_N

IP:

Battle Rules:

20-30 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Topic-Ending Beginnings

Minimum posts to vote: 300

Check in by: 06-07-05 at 02:44 PM

Must drop verse in 7200 minutes after check in.

06-04-05, 06:55 PM

System

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

Triple_N has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-04-05 06:55 PM.

06-06-05, 11:49 PM

System

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

Tweety has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-06-05 11:49 PM.

06-09-05, 06:32 PM

Triple_N

Ya mom massages my nuts

Posts: 1,991

From: Queens, NY

IP:

Was pressed for time so I keyed something real quick...goodluck to art.....1

Awake to the same darkness & warmth I do everyday
Same habitual meals daily, theres never one in disarray
But today seems different, I can strongly sense it
Cuz usually every instant of my day is consistent
I am use to hearing a comforting voice of peacefulness
Today its full of grief & sorrow witta hint of deceitfulness
An its making me uneasy, but I can't scream so I kick
As hard as I can, to make sure the voice can feel it
But yet I hear nothing, I feel no response whatsoever
Usually the voice responds, this riddle I cannot deceiver
Wait!! now we're moving I can feel my home vibrating
whoa! now we've stop vibrating but a sound's resonating
An on & off humming noise..that occasionally goes "beep, beep"
Now, the humming noise has stopped, home's back on its feet
Its vibrating again, where is my home taking me? anybody
Know anything? now I hear another voice saying "this is lobby
take elevator to floor 4" but what do those words mean?
My kicking isn't working, I wish I could let out a loud scream
Oh wait! the comforting voice is back an its in its norm tone
but I hear it mixed wit other voices I don't think its alone
Can't understand what they say, but can hear deep breathes
Now its just the breathes, seems the other voices left
Oh! I heard the a turning "click" sound then a loud slam
Now comforting voice is talking to another thats real blan
wait! voices have stopped, my home's postion's rearranged
I'm laying on my back like nite nite time but thats strange
Its not nite nite time yet, Hey!! what is that touching me?
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am feeling sharp pain suddenly
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! its getting worser now
hey! its stopped, what a relief, but I seem to be off ground
& floating upward bound but I gotta sense calming peace now

__________________

Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice
Because at the end of the day, you get what you give
So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is

06-09-05, 11:02 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

-Hospital bed-

My back feels so cold, I can see the light in my sight, but i'm not in heaven
I take an exhale breath, taking out the tense in me, hopefully i wont' go to seven
My thighs tremble, the open pores on my face are full with sweats...
And my mind are fill with "wonders"...Will i live through this or Will i be dead?
The forshadow of my past comes into my mind, and the laughters echoes
The pointy fingers i see, it's giving me a head-ache. But it was all a halo
Sound of the creaking wheels,ringing in my ear.The feel of it from my hands
Sadden by the days I used to sit by the window, watching the world goes by everyday.
I inhale, the puff of gas smoke is now entering in my stystem, putting me out deep
And I remember the day, that god answered my pray, as i went to sleep

-My prayer being answered-

With the darkness looms around me, i'm unde-rcovers with a flash light
My teeth ripples in my jaw, sadness is in me like a empty soul as darknight
My unchap lips are fill with salty water leaked from my pupil as it quivers
I led out a whimper sound, with my hands on my head, the laughters flutters
I can hear them, i see their pointy-fingers, my eyes moves so Controllably
Then i whisper,"leave me alone....leave me alone" under my breath silently
Put my head under the pillow, left the flash light, on "please go away"
Why my life has to be like this? like my road is broken in a critical pathway
I take my pen, as my fingers are prune by my tears, as it tremble
Then i wrote in my diary, as the tears hit my bed one by one.....
Why can't i be normal?

-My prayer came true-

I open my eyes, saw myself in a another world, in a different dimension
Birds chirping, I see cars passing by me. I say to myself "is this fiction?"
Agitation creeps in all places in my body, As I mysterious step foward
The sun bolster around on my neck, the comfortableness shattered
I look up in the air, clouds dangling in the sky like loose leafs on tree's
Put my hand in the air and yelled out "Thank you jesus" as my tears leak
All my life it was my dream to be like the others, the difference will never tell
Now my eyes are like an ruby, I've been blessed by "god" magicial spell
Something ranged in my ear, that made me cry so heavily but i was happy
It was the voice of my mom, when she said "Derik....OMG...your walking"

G-LUCK!

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:

ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

06-09-05, 11:29 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

Uppin this.............................................

06-09-05, 11:40 PM

Ancel

God is a Fable.

Posts: 9

This was feedback posted for Triple_N

IP:

First off... Shame on you Triple for takin the sig for ILLunatic and I's crew from RB awhile back...

but yeah this is just feedback

Triple... your piece was okay imagery and emotion was lacking due to you forcing this piece and you can really tell that your rushed and forced this piece ... Not really up to par with the rest of your workings.... you structure was good and the story line was okay.... still need work though

Tweety... meh i would say you took this but im just leaving feedback.... your piece was good strong emotion and imagery to paint a mental picture from... very solid piece here man... our battle should be good... Holla

06-10-05, 06:55 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

^^ Word to that bruh......Word to that............Uppin for some damn votes.

06-10-05, 10:07 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

Damn 139 views..............but 1 feedback?..........C'mon now vote up and i'll return a fav.

06-10-05, 01:14 PM

#10

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

.................................................. ..................................................

06-10-05, 06:07 PM

#11

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

.................................................. .......

06-11-05, 08:46 AM

#12

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

.................................................. .....

06-11-05, 10:55 AM

#13

MyNamesGrafhYall

==bLaCk-HanD==

Posts: 1,342

From: In A Guttah

IP:

Voted For: artÃ-stica~Mente

Awake to the same darkness & warmth I do everyday
Same habitual meals daily, theres never one in disarray
But today seems different, I can strongly sense it
Cuz usually every instant of my day is consistent
I am use to hearing a comforting voice of peacefulness
Today its full of grief & sorrow witta hint of deceitfulness
An its making me uneasy, but I can't scream so I kick
As hard as I can, to make sure the voice can feel it
But yet I hear nothing, I feel no response whatsoever
Usually the voice responds, this riddle I cannot deceiver
Wait!! now we're moving I can feel my home vibrating
whoa! now we've stop vibrating but a sound's resonating
An on & off humming noise..that occasionally goes "beep, beep"
Now, the humming noise has stopped, home's back on its feet
Its vibrating again, where is my home taking me? anybody
Know anything? now I hear another voice saying "this is lobby
take elevator to floor 4" but what do those words mean?
My kicking isn't working, I wish I could let out a loud scream
Oh wait! the comforting voice is back an its in its norm tone
but I hear it mixed wit other voices I don't think its alone
Can't understand what they say, but can hear deep breathes
Now its just the breathes, seems the other voices left
Oh! I heard the a turning "click" sound then a loud slam
Now comforting voice is talking to another thats real blan
wait! voices have stopped, my home's postion's rearranged
I'm laying on my back like nite nite time but thats strange
Its not nite nite time yet, Hey!! what is that touching me?
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am feeling sharp pain suddenly
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! its getting worser now
hey! its stopped, what a relief, but I seem to be off ground
& floating upward bound but I gotta sense calming peace now

Ok i am no topical Genius. but i really wuznt feelin diz peice, there wuz no real emotion within da verse...imagination seemed forced & very basic. vocab was ok, da concept ov ur peice wasnt very creative either, u'd beat me in topicals dat fa sho but frum wat i can see in diz peice, u dont have da complex creative mind 2 hang wit da big gunz in topicalz

-Hospital bed-

My back feels so cold, I can see the light in my sight, but i'm not in heaven
I take an exhale breath, taking out the tense in me, hopefully i wont' go to seven
My thighs tremble, the open pores on my face are full with sweats...
And my mind are fill with "wonders"...Will i live through this or Will i be dead?
The forshadow of my past comes into my mind, and the laughters echoes
The pointy fingers i see, it's giving me a head-ache. But it was all a halo
Sound of the creaking wheels,ringing in my ear.The feel of it from my hands
Sadden by the days I used to sit by the window, watching the world goes by everyday.
I inhale, the puff of gas smoke is now entering in my stystem, putting me out deep
And I remember the day, that god answered my pray, as i went to sleep

-My prayer being answered-

With the darkness looms around me, i'm unde-rcovers with a flash light
My teeth ripples in my jaw, sadness is in me like a empty soul as darknight
My unchap lips are fill with salty water leaked from my pupil as it quivers
I led out a whimper sound, with my hands on my head, the laughters flutters
I can hear them, i see their pointy-fingers, my eyes moves so Controllably
Then i whisper,"leave me alone....leave me alone" under my breath silently
Put my head under the pillow, left the flash light, on "please go away"
Why my life has to be like this? like my road is broken in a critical pathway
I take my pen, as my fingers are prune by my tears, as it tremble
Then i wrote in my diary, as the tears hit my bed one by one.....
Why can't i be normal?

-My prayer came true-

I open my eyes, saw myself in a another world, in a different dimension
Birds chirping, I see cars passing by me. I say to myself "is this fiction?"
Agitation creeps in all places in my body, As I mysterious step foward
The sun bolster around on my neck, the comfortableness shattered
I look up in the air, clouds dangling in the sky like loose leafs on tree's
Put my hand in the air and yelled out "Thank you jesus" as my tears leak
All my life it was my dream to be like the others, the difference will never tell
Now my eyes are like an ruby, I've been blessed by "god" magicial spell
Something ranged in my ear, that made me cry so heavily but i was happy
It was the voice of my mom, when she said "Derik....OMG...your walking"

G-LUCK!

Decent peice, vocab was strong throughout, ur chosen scheme in da peice wuz alot more creative & imagantive than triple N'z drop, emotion wuz strong especially in da following lines;

My unchap lips are fill with salty water leaked from my pupil as it quivers
I led out a whimper sound, with my hands on my head, the laughters flutters
I can hear them, i see their pointy-fingers, my eyes moves so Controllably
Then i whisper,"leave me alone....leave me alone" under my breath silently
Put my head under the pillow, left the flash light, on "please go away"
Why my life has to be like this? like my road is broken in a critical pathway

dem lines wuz deep & i wuz feelin ur emotion throughout, but dem lines especially.

Vote=Tweety-better scheme in da chosen concept ov da topical & alot more imagantive wit da peice ..plz rtf

__________________

==I Don't Rhyme, I Just Explain Shit Real Good==

06-11-05, 12:41 PM

#14

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

.................................................. .......

06-11-05, 10:00 PM

#15

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

IP:

.................................................. .......

View Poll Results: Triple_N vs artÃ-stica~Mente
Triple_N	5	71.43%
artÃ-stica~Mente	2	28.57%
Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll

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