NOTORIUS KILLERS TALE – poetic/rap mix





Blade lifted steadily from the cold corroding concrete
Dressed in black, demons coercing the mind to be discreet
As I make ma way to a new day, killing displays my intention
A sinister passion erupts from the depths of this prehension
Ma ruptured heart departs from this deprieved society
Midnight,I make ma way with one objective that’s breakin me
To take whts rightfully mines, an unjust soul no eye has seen
Invsible from social circles dispersin to places ive never been
A villanous monster ive become anguish empowers on my veins
Bleedin pain I still ponda for peace to get me through this day




My Mind inclines the revenge of a tyrant who bursts with wealth
Took away da lives of ma family jus to increase his boost of stealth
Now stands, this renegade no fear is left, but my blade now bleeds
I take no heed just killin sprees to make these bitches see
The pain inflicted , mind depicted when visions start to emerge
I chose the path of bitterness, for a rightful cause I now diverge
People think how violent I am when I murder an line the chalk
Of the victims ive killed,cats ive thrilled to show which way I walk
Some say im a killer but fate has lead me to this thought
Every action poses a reaction now I let my knife talk




Approached the area of my victim to be, im grippin to my blade
Now ready to avenge the deaths as power lurks in this renegade
Steadily as I cross like a ninja through barricades of disapproval
My conscience bares no sympathy , I now urge for his removal
Readily I prepare, through the murky air I come, but I do not warn
A duty I must I must perform, must-do norm, my anger not yet torn
Finally I arrive excited, my intentions higher than what I expected
My conscience is now clear of my prime objective, an I accept it
I reached up for my icy blade , an grabbed his lean neck
From behind, I left no time an slowly forced it till he was dead




Now fully complete but my heart still bleeds for the pious souls
Took avenge but still im lonely my heart is full of thrustin holes
The ambition ive longed to achieve, has finally reached my waters
Finished with the slaughter, now I should move on, an plus I orta
Overcome the misery that plagued my heart an plagued soul
Reached the last chapter , now the legend is fortold
No longer can these cats phase me , I made it clear
Reached my peak, of wht was once bleak,I no longer cry a tear
My soul maybe set dormant but I ride without fail
So join me as I venture thru this notorious killers tale

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Yo this was real hot......good imagery good flow.....good structure....good ishhh ma.....keep it up.

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www.soundclick.com/dollaback

Tnx........ Plzplzplz Mor Uppins

...... ..................................... Tnx

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Mor Uppinz Plz.................~1~

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Okay, lemme break this down

I like the concept you went with and how the person took upon this killing spree as a sort of revenge. The imagery was certainly there but the strongest aspect in my opinion was your emotion. You really showed us the ideas running through the person's mind, the motives and reasoning. Went nicely into detail about everything which kept the readers focussed cause they wanna know more. Flow was good, had some similar sound expression in there, good sentence length.

Nice piece gurl! Keep it up

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This was a nice piece...Had good Imagery...And had a pretty good concept...But overall 8.9/10...Keep up tha good work...1

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Wicked One vs C-Bo

good verse girl dis was nice you had good imagery and vocab was hot your structure was good and ya flow always stayed on point which is good 9/10 we shud do a collab also

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It was awesome, gonna have em beggin 4 more after this one, keep em coming!

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Sig Provided by: Christianite

3 nails + 1 cross = 4given
No matter how good you are there's always someone better.
I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be.

this was nice...good enjoyable read..the structure was on point...emotion was real good....nice rhyme scheme..

ill keep a look out for more of ya stuff fo sho..wun

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Living Legendz

I Promise Alot...But I Deliver Alot More...

...Topicals...

What Is Life?

Dark Disguise

This was good. Vocab was good but not to the point where it didn't even make sense. Your imagery was solid throughout and the emotion kept me reading. A good example of emotion:

Now fully complete but my heart still bleeds for the pious souls
Took avenge but still im lonely my heart is full of thrustin holes

That was good. All I can say is to watch your syllable count because it threw off your flow in some places. Just try to re-word things and they won't sound forced.. ex.

My soul maybe set dormant but I ride without fail
So join me as I venture thru this notorious killers tale

^Syllable count was off. All you had to do was remove 'notorious' and it would have flowed alot smoother.

Pz

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My soul maybe set dormant but I ride without fail
So join me as I venture thru this notorious killers tale

........... yeh ic wer u cumin frm........ but if i took notorius out wen u read it u can spot abit of gap an the flow wudnt sound as fluid as it wus b4
but i cud change notorius for a word dat has a smaller syllable count ... so yep i agree but to sum xtent .......... peace

aight tnx gongshow an d rest for postin replies......... truly appriciate it ~1~

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I liked this...nice rhymes...good structure...it played out like a movie, i can tell you took ya time with this one....holla!!!

tnx,,,, mor replies plz...... hopefulli dis'll be ma first hotpost lol

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