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Old 06-19-05, 11:59 AM   #1
Phorge
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Posts: 91
The raven.

IP:

The ravens eyes glisten, scoping misty baron moors.
Gaping darkness bellows, from blurred, motionless jaws.
As the night stealths & drapes itself over faded skies.
Satan is absent, but haunting souls through raven eyes.
Wandering this shattered path, glazed dreams thrown.
Wrath of this bird, unleashed as beastly winds blow.
He sees all, his beads dart from cracked willows to soul.
Manipulating flowing wings of black, then perches & folds.
Establishing this role, with an malicous body of power.
With raging infernos brewing, faces of glee hide & cower.
Emotions of content washed away by a trickle of blood.
Unbolting depression among my soul, flowing tears flood.
Dragging up lost memories, when I had a motive to exist.
The time to gaze into a facade, pour out sins from my wrist.
Obliterate traces of a decoy,for his spirit has been thrusted.
Into a messenger of death, the past proved it could be trusted.
A flutter & a presence is banished, its deed on wasteland done.
For I am lucky to live & encounter, the basis of a Devil's son.

Last edited by Phorge : 06-19-05 at 12:23 PM.
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Old 06-19-05, 01:18 PM   #2
Phorge
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Posts: 91
IP:

Bumping this for feed...
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Old 06-19-05, 01:24 PM   #3
~*Khatharsis*~
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Posts: 277
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damn this was nothing but hot lines. breakdown.

The ravens eyes glisten, scoping misty baron moors.
Gaping darkness bellows, from blurred, motionless jaws.
As the night stealths & drapes itself over faded skies.
Satan is absent, but haunting souls through raven eyes.
^^^god these was some nice lines, very intracate, and emotional. showed a great sense of deepness in this drop.

Wandering this shattered path, glazed dreams thrown.
Wrath of this bird, unleashed as beastly winds blow.
He sees all, his beads dart from cracked willows to soul.
Manipulating flowing wings of black, then perches & folds.
^^^o man, this is wur the UMPH pics up, great lines nothing but fire upon fire. showed countless repitition. "Wrath of this bird, unleashed as beastly winds blow." great line rite here by the way.

Establishing this role, with an malicous body of power.
With raging infernos brewing, faces of glee hide & cower.
Emotions of content washed away by a trickle of blood.
Unbolting depression among my soul, flowing tears flood.
^^^showed a great sense of attention here. you didnt slip off topic. nice lines.

Dragging up lost memories, when I had a motive to exist.
The time to gaze into a facade, pour out sins from my wrist.
Obliterate traces of a decoy,for his spirit has been thrusted.
Into a messenger of death, the past proved it could be trusted.
^^^ok great wine down, this has great intracate emotions.

A flutter & a presence is banished, its deed on wasteland done.
For I am lucky to live & encounter, the basis of a Devil's son.
^^^nice ending, very nice, a nice all around piece. very good read.
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Old 06-19-05, 01:27 PM   #4
Phorge
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Posts: 91
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Thanks man, I'll rtf soon...
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Old 06-19-05, 01:32 PM   #5
~*Khatharsis*~
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ya ya ..
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Old 06-20-05, 11:01 AM   #6
Phorge
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Posts: 91
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Bumping this . .
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Old 06-20-05, 01:38 PM   #7
Indeph
Not_Indeph
 
Posts: 6,909
From: Chicago, IL
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Wow I was expecting all "knocking on my chamber door" 's lol
This was amasing.Ultra props.Never again will I judge by post count.
I love that 1st stanza so fuckin much it make me jus..ARG! lol

good job yo

peep my open mic if you aren't agrivated at my non constructive feed
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Old 06-20-05, 01:45 PM   #8
Phorge
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Posts: 91
IP:

Thanks..
Feed returned..
Bumping..
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Old 06-20-05, 02:04 PM   #9
Immense
 
Posts: 2,404
From: uk
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Wow...this was hot.

Vocab was crazy..thats why i loved it so much.Emotion was good...structure was perfect...this was good all the way through...from start to finish i loved this...

and whats more...the topic was different..it was'nt played at all...which proves your creative...excellent drop.Im going to keep a look out for more of your stuff...Return the favour on my dark disguise OM please...links in sig..pz
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Old 06-21-05, 07:57 AM   #10
Phorge
Get me?
 
Posts: 91
IP:

Thanks..
I will return the favour soon..
Bumping..
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Old 06-22-05, 08:59 AM   #11
H-N-I-C
Light Weight
 
Posts: 339
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Once again, I'm taken back by the depth of your poetry. The subject matter was very creative. The vocab, structure, emotion and imagery in this piece was purely flawless.......Overall 10/10
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