this may be the best ive writtin so gimme some good feed PLEASE

tried to touch the stars... i fell burned and bruised
battered and used to battefield below i was accused
the crime was comprehended as a criminal offense
i pleaded to the prosecuter to pass the tense
please proceed and stop speakin of past events
my last offense, rape, i now practice absenensce
no sexual ho's, just confessional flows
let me go.. i cant run because mexicos closed
the jury judged my case with a jagged face
reviewin my case so rapid its like a rabbit race
judge reappeared to re-establish order in the court
i sit in my seat quietly as the judge reads the report
fast foward to the fences forty feet high from the ground
examine every exit as convicts escape only to be found
so i plan my perfect plot on my path out of prison
see a view of violence disapearing out of my vision
all the sudden i see satan and im sufferin burns
i reached for the stars sorta slipped up nd learned
that the heavens are a hope never meant to hold
i sold my soul to satan so now my body is cold
the burns become a blizzard as my body freezes
blood ran red now runs blue as the skies breezes
i awake in aww at the site of an assailant above me
i see the shank in his grasp as i laugh and say... "oh isnt this lovely"

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uppin.. get the feedback going.. dont sleep

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dont sleep.....

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good shit sik....im feelin dis one...i thought it was kinda funny at the end....good flow...keep progressin...u keep gettin betta and betta....

$$izno shady$$

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open mics
leave feedback
boston
gats on da bus
the mic[/CENTER]

Im def feelin ya Emotion and Vocab..those are 2 things i focus most on

so i was feelin that..it flowed well and i liked the structure

def hot piece

8/10

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lol.......ending made me laugh.

ok,

structure was def the best part of this piece, made everything flow nice and smooth, vocab could have been better but it suited the piece's read. flow was solid and on point throughout, imagery picked up more and more as the piece went along and the emotion was meh, iffy.

overall though i really liked the way this flowed consistently throughout and the story was pretty good too with a nice ending. keep it up slim

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My Consent?

yo thanks for tha props ^^ ya the avy is supposed to strike fear into the hearts of tha haters haha.. loookin to get some good feed.. maybe a nomination?

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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=199804
my link.. shots in tha night << 2nd hottest OM on RV.com next to this one of course

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1. one hell of a poetic flow right here enjoyed this piece for real
2, but as for a rapper flow only 4/10

yo, shit man this woz really tite actually, cuz this is one of the few pieces that i've seen that actually keeps a good flow and adds multis whilst actually telling a gud story. i'm feelin this alot. 9/10

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thanks man.. feelin the love up in here give some more feedback good or bad as long as its explained ill return tha favor no doubt

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yea that was tight props for doing this

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thanks fam.. uppin for more feed

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First One 2 Read On This Site N Was Dope So I Already Know This Board Has Potential

yo thanks for tha props.. keep it comin kiddos

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