Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
|
11-08-05, 09:48 PM | #1 | ||
Given Light
|
Take a Glimpse at the Sun
IP:
Take A Glimpse At The Sun
The illest has cometh and thou shall be forsaken Prepare for doometh of thee, death before you waken. Arise in the west and rest in the east flaxen Sun My day has come, my time is done, my wars have been won An inner battle of supremacy within me attacked at thee The tree I consign my death under, coloured mahogany A prophet of the angelic regime, my spirit now flees Alas, a time when I glistened maliciously as a rupee Is now over, and my soul has been torn from my body Consumed by the dark and the light, holiness stolen, see Holy archangel Aaron, brother of Moses, I fought valiantly I lived to please, my goodness spreading like disease The tepid calm breeze was my sword hissing viciously Eliminating wretched death-burden fiends, ever so easily But possession was a possibility, the definition of quality Based within my expertise, banishing those unworthy My personality God bestowed a unique path to lead His colossal military to a victory of the greatest finale Holiness versus the damned hatred and destruction alley Dubbed upon my body was the pure hatred of God and Diablo Bestowed with conflict I become two half’s of a whole Undecided, in which path I should turn I left both and became Mortal Through this portal I became a man with no quarrels The Sun my microscope magnifying my existence, left mission-less A free being left to be buoyant in sheer happiness |
||
11-09-05, 07:17 AM | #2 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Upping for feed, please.
|
||
11-09-05, 03:16 PM | #3 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Upping, leave links I will leave good feed.
|
||
11-10-05, 11:16 AM | #4 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Up, damnit.....
|
||
11-10-05, 03:48 PM | #5 | ||
NO SURRENDER
|
IP:
Rhymeing in some places was kind of basic but still got the point across, flow was better later on in the piece, solid imagery throughout and had a complex inner scheme to me...
closeing part was cool to. Decent mate.
__________________
|
||
11-11-05, 12:15 PM | #6 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
That feedback was completly different from what the rb guys left haha.
|
||
11-12-05, 12:44 PM | #7 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Upping ............
|
||
11-12-05, 12:49 PM | #8 | |
New to RV
|
IP:
it was an alright piece, the problem that i see, is that maybe it has too much vocab, large words bunched together makes the flow choppy, but other than that, piece was straight...Keep droppin
Ez
__________________
aka: Corleone
If you cant do nothing other than flow Life's a bitch like the mother from blow, lets go Don't make me put your heart on your lap Fuck ridin a beat nigga, I parallel park on a track -Jadakiss |
|
11-12-05, 05:35 PM | #9 | |
Fuck White Folks
|
IP:
Woah. A little too constructive, but definately
left Images in my mind. You have a not so unique, more so creative style. Good read, however. Hit me up for a collab...or RTF. |
|
11-13-05, 10:14 AM | #10 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Good stuff, leave links if need/want me to leave feed, or pm me because I'll always accept collabs.
|
||
11-13-05, 07:07 PM | #11 | ||
The Topical Juggernaut
|
IP:
Not bad GL.
I didnt so much like the structure, more puncrtuation to create more flow for the reader would have been great. The rhyme scheme was some-what basic, though you did have a few complex parts in there. Now for the ups. Very impressive imagery for what you dropped, though you know it could have been better bro. Your flow was only hindered by the fact that you wrote it and we didnt... meaning I dont know how you read it yourself, again, puncuation to portray that man. This piece is actually better than most of yours that i've read in the past. Keep it up, the staircase never ends. Peace.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
|
||
11-14-05, 03:53 PM | #12 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Good stuff, feed is returned, up this crack.
|
||
11-14-05, 07:23 PM | #13 | |
|
IP:
This wasnt that bad of a drop i was really feeling it alittle short for me but i was feeling it yo uhad nice emotions and good feeling , you had a nice creative concept..and decent wordplay and vocab , your lines were alittle complex but not as much as everyone said they were..i was really feeling it nice closer keep it up.
__________________
The Competition
|
|
11-16-05, 05:34 PM | #14 | ||
Given Light
|
IP:
Upping, indeed I am.
|
||
11-16-05, 06:22 PM | #15 | ||
New to RV
|
IP:
Wassup my canuck friend..This was a decent drop though.. The illest has cometh and thou shall be forsaken Prepare for doometh of thee, death before you waken. ^^^^^Okay beginner..Could use work Arise in the west and rest in the east flaxen Sun My day has come, my time is done, my wars have been won An inner battle of supremacy within me attacked at thee The tree I consign my death under, coloured mahogany ^^^^Multis were nice but were too long..Nice vocab Alas, a time when I glistened maliciously as a rupee Is now over, and my soul has been torn from my body Consumed by the dark and the light, holiness stolen, see Holy archangel Aaron, brother of Moses, I fought valiantly I lived to please, my goodness spreading like disease ^^^^^Nice vocab and shit.. His colossal military to a victory of the greatest finale Holiness versus the damned hatred and destruction alley ^^Bar was kinda long. Nice vocab Dubbed upon my body was the pure hatred of God and Diablo Bestowed with conflict I become two half’s of a whole ^^^^Once again a long bar..nice vocab The Sun my microscope magnifying my existence, left mission-less A free being left to be buoyant in sheer happiness ^^^^Long bar, nice vocab, okay ender strengths-U have potential and nice vocab and flow is decent weakness-Bars were long and vocab was used a little too much but its diff. from the rest 'cause u doin' u yahmean.. Overall this was a decent drop, just work on your bar lengths and focus on punches, wordplay and better flow instead of just vocab aiight famz make sure to peep my "Government Policies" and drop some feedback aiight? ~1~ |
||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|