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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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11-25-05, 09:07 AM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
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Lost Innocence
IP:
Lost Innocence
A right path was so secretly hidden from the soul inside of me Covered by dim debris and sung to by a mesmerizing banshee Blinded by her soft shrieks, deafened by her hypnotizing eyes Led on a road of disguising lies, didn't even say my goodbyes Attracted by this strange darkness, caused by a rapid change At this close range, I perceived the gates of hell that derange On a Midsummer Eve, I chose to remain too blind and naive How a beautiful being like her can deceive the innocent me For this fool she played me, I never felt so betrayed you see To my Lord above I used to pray but now I forgot to ask thee To give me a guidance in the midst of these confusing times Her voice got me captivated, nasal tones like nursery rhymes Here I kneel to your throne oh Lord to forgive what I’ve done Excuses...I have none, I just wasn’t aware of what I’ve begun I heard the angels’ choir but she caught me in trap of desire That vicious vixen, with her voluptuous forms as fuel to a fire The root of all evil, bringing lust and temptation in the heart But I never expected she’d tear me and all my beliefs apart My Christian innocence so suddenly lost, quickly taken away Was led astray but I will continue to pray till my very last day For I can’t live with myself for committing this disgusting sin This innocence cannot return once you have lost faith within Left feedback to: Heart Pearl by Mad Knizzle My Nation by C.A.L.I.
__________________
Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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11-25-05, 07:07 PM
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#2
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Light Weight
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IP:
nice drop mami long time no see jess how ya doin now days see u still on here doin ya thing well im back n hopefully for good....i met this producer who wanna get me in his office n see wut im about n get in da studio 2 show'em wut a rhyme bout so wish me luck n e ways nice drop felt da content structure n flow better than it was when i first saw u on dis sight sometime las year keep doin ur thing peace
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11-25-05, 07:36 PM
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#3
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
The drop was nice, but some parts, like the first two lines seemed to be forced. It was more like a rhytmic poem since you rhymed the same words line a bar. The topic was nice and enjoyable and it did flow expect for the forced lines, but overall it was a nice piece. 7.5-10
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11-26-05, 06:41 AM
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#4
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Odi et Amo
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IP:
Good luck with the studio ish and all cutie!
 Thanks for the feed
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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11-26-05, 05:17 PM
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#5
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Hell yeah
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IP:
god dammit what a nice square! joking lol but structure is ill as fuck girl, vocab is really dope....like the topic, flow is on point so props to that,
Flow: 9/10 Vocab: 9.5/10 Structure: 10/10 Overall: illnest, nice track, everything was on point keep droping dope open mics |
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11-27-05, 12:53 AM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP:
I loved it! I used to read your stuff all the time when I used to be on....but a different name at the time!
Flow: 8/10 Vocab:10/10 Structure: 9.5/10 Overall a well written piece.....LOVED IT! |
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11-27-05, 01:58 AM
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#7
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Odi et Amo
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IP:
Thanks for the feed cuties
I appreciate it!
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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11-27-05, 11:32 AM
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#8
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Light Weight
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IP:
Express deep emotions with freak potions of rhymes
Master of the brain in a passenger train with tickets divine To a dumb honey paid some money and got no sex she Was on a kotex, my remarks pertain to art and fame be Alert to a skirt that work butt you can get tricked quick |
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11-27-05, 03:16 PM
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#9
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The Topical Juggernaut
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IP:
Fuck off wetsack.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
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