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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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12-04-05, 07:55 PM
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#1
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A Life Of Chryme
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Arising Spirits
IP:
The Take Over
Softly arising from the pillows warmth comforting my gentil skin Blankets wrapped tight around my body submerged I am within Drastically impatient, covers ripped far from my stagnant body Though I have not moven, spirits within have entered me oddly Frightened by these actions, percaution is taken at every cost Hands caressing my closed eyes shivering, afraid to accost Shaken by my shriek I feel alone, all spirits evacuated subtley Removing myself from the bed, Walking scared I am utterly Brushed with a quick wind I notice spirits are again conjured Whirling wind around my face, these notions of ghosts r absurd My voice heard, spirits gather at my feet and begin the kidnapping Resisting physical altercation, bleeding occuring due to lip chapping The Super Human Possesion has been complete, I am immortal free to roam earth Memories deleted vastly from the moment of my own birth Unable to be harmed by others, I can only create my own death Healing occurs on its own, I have no longer need for my breath Equipped with firearms to destroy intruders, unable to be seen Cloaking ability offered as a tribute to my life being swept clean Armor implanted over my flesh, so battlewounds wont do damage Nitrious Oxidide presented, fastly moving w/out crashing..ill manage Peripheral Vision annointed site seeing will elevate my kill count Predicting a world take over, body pile ups deserted in big mounts Shield powered up, ready to deploy pain on those who come my way Nitrious Oxide filled up, ready to take the streets and conquer the highway World Domination One hour completed enhanced fight mode, no defense acquired from them Caught all the pedestrians, took their lives then disturbingly hung them Quickly dominating 4 Continents the World Army has finally taken notice Populations of cities completely asleep from being fed plants of lotus Death no longer fun to give, the rest will calmly be left to rest in piece Sickening to watch my family suffer though im down to my last niece Determined to own the world I continue with the man slaughter technique No solution for my own drowsiness, its unknown how I will get sleep Back to my shooting spree pedestrians being shot by lasers No mercy for the innocent, for all must die no one will be the savior Empty land and craters only thing left from my painfull destruction But now its time to sleep, when I wake we will start the reconstruction All Alone World Dominated, no defense was made by the last soldiers standing Asleep I fall, falling apon the ruggid ground on my detnator I was landing Detnator destroyed, I can not destroy thy self to end lonliness and hunger I must go through eternities hungry and by my self is how I will suffer The one way to end my life has been destroyed, I am stuck for ever more Conciously confused, troubled by my lonesome self empty to the core Complete with thoughts of escaping this disaster, My mind draws a blank No harm could possibly be done, Not even from a jagged Shank Wondering why spirits chose me to terminate the world I live in To late to turn back, can't relive it...Im ready to just give in Spirits unwind, suddenly relieve me from my emotional pain Left as a normal human But still by myself I still remain links to come...
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A LIFE OF CHRYME Last edited by Mystic Chaos : 12-05-05 at 07:16 PM. |
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12-04-05, 11:40 PM
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#2
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Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP:
*clap clap clap clap* props on this structure was nice throughout vocab wasnt basic and it wasnt overdone like alot of ppl do lol lyrics were good solid piece get at me on aim
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  O.Y.D. |
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12-04-05, 11:43 PM
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#3
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B.I.G.
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IP:
piece of Art....
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 Bizzacckkk |
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12-05-05, 07:07 PM
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#4
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
Links:
http://</b>http://community.rapvers...d=1#post2564688 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...67&page=2&pp=15 n uppin.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 01:43 AM
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#5
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The Topical Juggernaut
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IP:
liked the story that you told and how you broke it into sections your structure was good throughout decent sized lines
first section you have me interested lol i couldn't close this if i wanted to im hooked and now i have to read the others good imagery you have my head jumping to pictures and assumptions the last line got me hooked saw some good metaphores My voice heard, spirits gather at my feet and begin the kidnapping Resisting physical altercation, bleeding occuring due to lip chapping loved that line once again in this section you have me hooked lol btu honestly i wasnt feeling this as much as the first section you had a few lines that were repetative but not too bad vocab was nice in this section again last line is making me want to read liked these lines No solution for my own drowsiness, its unknown how I will get sleep Populations of cities completely asleep from being fed plants of lotus and of course the last line lol But now its time to sleep, when I wake we will start the reconstruction this was the best section yet you took a turn that i didnt expect towards the end nice little twist very creative Complete with thoughts of escaping this disaster, My mind draws a blank Spirits unwind, suddenly relieve me from my emotional pain Left as a normal human But still by myself I still remain that ending was great i wasnt expecting it nice vocab and multis throughout this is one of the better pieces ive read only complaint was the repetativeness in the second section overall good open mic
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-06-05, 12:10 PM
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#6
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
thanks for the good feedback.
uppin.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 01:01 PM
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#7
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Nt Your Average
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IP:
Hmmm
Vocab Was Good Imagery Was Nice As Hell Structureds Nice Flwo Was Good Umm I Dunno what To Say...I Only Feed On Audio Really Umm...Dope Peice   Good Pece
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OYD MAFIA
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12-06-05, 01:47 PM
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#8
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
thanks man appreciate the feed.
uppin.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 02:01 PM
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#9
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP:
ugh...
Personally,I hate these type of Om's,...and I'm not hating when I say that. I mean,the lines were so long...and it seems more like poetry to me.I just can't see anyone being able to spit this over a beat..not even twista or bizzy bone would be able to pull that off IMO. One hour completed enhanced fight mode, no defense acquired from them Caught all the pedestrians, took their lives then disturbingly hung them ^Just look at that,stretched. I'ma be honest too,I didn't read it all.When a OM doesn't have flow,I can never force myself to read it. No hate mystic... |
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12-06-05, 02:06 PM
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#10
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
thanks for the honest opinion appreciate it man.
uppin.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 03:09 PM
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#11
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
uppin.........................
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 08:18 PM
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#12
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
up.............
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 09:00 PM
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#13
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Do Re Mi
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IP:
if you ever make me leave feed on something this long again. i will bitch slap you.
but your lucky it was good, first part was my favorite, i liked the theme there most showed the most imagery, kinda fell off in the rest... prolby because i didnt read it but it was very good from what i did read.. props.
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crhyme sindicate . . . . . |
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12-06-05, 09:02 PM
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#14
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
lol you bitch. haha
thanks. uppin.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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12-06-05, 09:44 PM
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#15
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Maggot
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IP:
Well Look This Was Really Poetry But I Think That Some Of What This Site Is All About Yeah I Write Rap ;and Never Get Credit And Check This It Seems That Blunt Ed Being The Moderater Can Come Down Off His High Horse And Respond To Some Of My Posts But Insted He Closes Them (well Anyway Nice Post Since This Is A Poetry Board Anyway)
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