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08-13-03, 01:10 AM
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#1
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Banned
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slow down - e-motion in words
IP:
Release-n-Tangles Speak Trials and Trivalations Till my mind Peaks-n-Angles...
Streaks-n-Stables Cause im over tha top and pushed to tha wall like Breaks-wit-Tables.. Fights-n-Fabels I strike pens to match so my lyrics are hot like spikes-n-Wavers... Scripts-2-Lazers Pushing Stability to Minimal like Trips-2-Skaters... Crack-wit-Basers I seperate my brain from luv like Rap-wit-Spacers... Intrapt-tha-Majors till my pry-or-itys are outta wack like Poor-n-Wagers... Tore-ur-Favors Taking my share of tha pie Any witch way or Even-Flavers... Intense Heat-2-Fold My minds Fragil wit age Seeps-2-Mold... Please-tha-soul Im trying to overcome my Fears like Spearits-n-Bold... Heart-of-Gold Denseness Releases Anger Till Feelings-tend-to-Fold... Putting a End-2-old Like Winning soccer Im destind to Defeat-My-Goal... Losses-2-Uphold I stay nagging at ur heat like Arteries-Caraode... Invert-tha-Pours Im getting off tha street like turnd Fait-4-Whores... I-Open-Doors Then Spit Acid to reign Landing u in-tha-moruge... Death-2-Forge Inseep n Release to put needles-2-Gorge... Heat-Grows-Colder But I indice my soul to live on like a Dead-Soldier... |
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08-13-03, 09:14 PM
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#2
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Banned
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IP:
okay thanks for the No feed back~ ya kno i apperciate it
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08-14-03, 02:50 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
its ok...
SUBTEXT I know the lonely feeling too. *bursts into song "ALL BY MYSEEELLF"..*.. Last edited by varentao : 08-14-03 at 10:38 PM. |
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08-14-03, 10:43 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
Hmmmmm.....
I didn't dig too much into this piece. It seemed like a personal piece of exploration. Exploring yourself and letting rip onto paper in a profoundly abstract way. A kind of self analysis, a dark and 'realising' one. You got quite an atmosphere going with it. I did enjoy reading this piece. And in a way, it did play some deep chords within myself. ...resp... PS Be patient with replies. It's a chilled place... |
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08-17-03, 08:11 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
Not bad...I liked the multi's...but
I don't usually see them in poetry.... it seemed more like an open mic... but still...it was really well written and I liked it... |
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08-19-03, 12:09 AM
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#6
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Banned
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IP:
thanks for the feed back ~!!
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08-21-03, 10:29 AM
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#7
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP:
hey the piece was good but not great, i could feel some emotion throu it and at some parts i felt i could relate, im not sure thou it some of the pictures i got when reading it were what you meant but everybody sees it different right, it was different and all and all a good poem keep it up
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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08-22-03, 01:02 AM
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#8
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Banned
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IP:
i like it becuz it leaves ya mind skattered
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