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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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08-27-03, 02:23 AM
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#1
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Guest
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I just want some feedback !!!!!!!!!!
IP:
I just want to know if my shits gettin any betta. Check out
"The Murderer" to. I don't know why, I try, to please everyone around me It's my demise, I sit aside, and cry As my whole world crumbles and dies these lies Are killin me inside what did I ever do to deserve this I never did nothin to no one to have shit returnith It's like I killed an army of men, or just an army 10 Either way my life just bitch slaps me over and over again I grew up lonely never bothered a single soul Even in highschool I was bold but still followed the pen I pray each day that I will wake wit some other life, besides the life, thats mine, rewind But nothin changes cause I open my eyes to find ANOTHER DAY I HAVE TO DEAL WIT THIS IT'S FRIVOLOUS What the fuck am I eva to do, If I never have a direct effect on whether I win or loose It's so tormenting the creation my mom left behind Is somethin that no one will ever cherish but just parish in time But thats fine cause I know theres nothin left for me IT'S MY FUCKIN LIFE I'LL SWEAR IT I DARE IT SHINE PEACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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08-27-03, 05:18 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
what did I ever do to deserve this
I never did nothin to no one to have shit returnith ^^^ Way to Shakesperean never read any of your other shit so I can't say if you've elevated this piece wasn't bad though I've seen worse if I were you I'd work on your structure though theres some problem trying to catch your flow I'd even out your lines.....6/10 not bad |
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08-27-03, 05:24 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
It's really hard to get my flow across by just typing because I put a lot of emphasis on different words. I use each line as a seperate breath or movement in my flow (if that makes any sense.)
And my commas as a step or a tight fittin flow ( I don't know why, (PAUSE) I try,(PAUSE) to please everyone around me It's my demise, (PAUSE) I sit aside, (PAUSE) and cry). My italics are just simply an aggresive emotion in my vocal tone. I hope this helps to understand my shit a little betta. Peace........... |
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08-27-03, 05:31 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
over you elivaten..just keep drillen it you did good
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08-27-03, 05:32 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
Werd......WORD........
Thanks..... Peace........................... |
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08-28-03, 12:06 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
Uppin.........
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08-28-03, 02:55 AM
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#7
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Guest
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IP:
?????????????
Last edited by Pre Tense : 08-30-03 at 03:01 AM. |
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08-28-03, 07:33 PM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
Just wanted some more feedback cause I wanna start battlin..................
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08-30-03, 03:02 AM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
Uppin
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08-30-03, 03:34 AM
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#10
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BANNED
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IP:
Quote:
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08-31-03, 01:21 AM
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#11
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Banned for being stupid
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IP:
yo i was feelin u still need to elevate more, but that shit was still pretty dope
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09-03-03, 03:27 AM
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#12
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks for the feeds...................
PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> |
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09-05-03, 04:30 AM
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#13
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Guest
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IP:
Uppin........
PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~> |
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