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Old 09-15-03, 10:57 AM   #1
J_S.P.I.D.E.R
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class presentation

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creatin a class presentation
listen up cuz it a great lyrical demonstration
the flow is heavy like a girl menstration//
punch lines constant never waitin
cats is probably readin this and tryin 2 figurin out ways 2 start hatin'//
go fuck yourself
and keep masterbatin
this i'll never get me any mass appeal
like a priest coppin a feel
or buyin a mitch n' ((nell))
if u forgot this was just a demonstration
stay tuned for more lyrics to enter youre brain
thru the computer screens radiation.

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Old 09-15-03, 01:00 PM   #2
smokedout411
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because your a newb most people here wont reply, or read it, but you have the rhyme all you need now is to elevate, meaning lyrics/vocab need to stepped up, and you actually could put a little more time into makin a rhyme
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Old 09-16-03, 10:17 AM   #3
J_S.P.I.D.E.R
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yea i feel u cuz i wrote this while i was surfin tryin 2 figure out what 2 do 4 a class presentation
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Old 09-16-03, 11:22 AM   #4
Provoked Images
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From: Tha heart of tha devil
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ha ha, interesting topic for a flow if i do say so myself, chuckle chuckle choke, ha ha...

anywayz, u REALLY gotta step up wit something more advanced, i know lil kids who write poems that flow betta than this did, (harsh i know...), but if u actually took some time out to write somethin, u could make it really good, jus keep droppin and add peeps advice, u'll elevate...
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Old 09-16-03, 11:43 AM   #5
Kredit
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From: North Carolina
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Well - the topic is original, someone could take it and run with it..

But for your sake, work on flow, even out syllables, and work out a nice structure. Your vocab is decent already, but can still be ironed out a little bit. Try to get more complex with your lyrics. Don't worry, it'll come. Elevate and have fun.
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Old 09-17-03, 11:25 AM   #6
J_S.P.I.D.E.R
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thanx yall
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