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Distress Call (Feedback Please)
IP:
Distress Call
Fertalized egg by one mistake A foolish game should've never been played The consequences never to be paid A life taken by the devil himself Like a miss placed item on top of a shelf A helpless embryo with somewhere to go A path to follow, struggles unknown Crushed by complications Surrounded by insulation Like a piece of glass Inside all the 'pane' She trys to get away Like running a race There is no one to chase Her dreams disappear Like black cats in the night Stuck in a maze But there can't be a fight The alcoholic parents The ones that never cared Send her fears straight into the air. Like a lighting strike in the sky A deep thought crosses her mind. Her name in a dictionary Because her life is so 'defined' It can't be replaced For she is the scuicidal kind Desperatly wanting help She steering for the edge Wishing she had success Before she puts herself to rest Embrassed in her disgrace She lives life without a trace Bowing her head to cover her face Embarrassed by her shame She lives on with a her name To start a new game Distress Call |
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Light Weight
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IP:
nice drop, ur flow was good, ur vocab was alrihgt, u had good content and u stuck to ur topic pretty well, what u could use though is some more wordplay but ur rhyme scheme was alright, I think this is a pretty straight forward piece and it's an easy read so good job keep droppin and elevatin.
if u got the time check out my song "ways of life" should be like right at the top. it's kinda a long piece but if u could kindly read through it all and leave me some feedback then that'd be great. thanx in advance peace.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center> <center>Corrupted Visions</center> <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center> |
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Guest
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IP:
uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................
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IP:
one thread per day.
[closed]
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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