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Old 11-03-03, 11:40 PM   #1
Mental God
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I Wear A Cross

IP:

I wear a cross around my neck, a symbol of my beliefs
It helps me keep a reality check, its sight is such a relief
I tatted another on my arm, this way i carried the bane
So I could never be disarmed, it was really worth the pain
This whole world is my domain, the city is my sandbox
The devil may be able to outwit me, but him i can outfox
While im barefoot without socks, with life i have handles
So this fight i will ignite, untill he blows out my candle
Im strapped like a sandal, and prepared at every chance
I stared into the devils eyes, when they told me not to glance
Said it would put me in a trance, my head is clearer than ever
Now i can accualy think straight, it was my greatest endeavor
The devil thought he was clever, but couldnt touch my wit
Washed away by the undertoe, from all the wetness that i spit
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Old 11-04-03, 12:18 AM   #2
Sureal
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Posts: 1,751
From: B.C. Canada
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This Is Good. You Just Need To Work On Your Structure.
You Are Getting Better By Leaps And Bounds. Just Keep
On Working At It. ANd You Will Capture The Skill!
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Old 11-04-03, 12:55 AM   #3
B~ill
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From: NY
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nice,
i like way to show your belifes'
i dont know how you could improve really besides
keep doing what your doing
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Old 11-04-03, 04:14 AM   #4
Mental God
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thanks... uppin
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Old 11-04-03, 04:40 AM   #5
wogzta
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fuck me dead, this was awesome..... i loved your rhyme scheme, you had the flow shifting between internals and end of line... if oyu know what i mean... it worked well... your vocab was good, rhymes were good, and you kept the topic consistent and it worked well... just add some multis in... thats the only thing i found faulty... but still, this open mic was dope... keep writing

9/10

check out my open mic "Mind Theory" please... thanks
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Old 11-05-03, 04:42 AM   #6
Mental God
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up
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Old 11-05-03, 05:00 AM   #7
fgee
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not bad
but no where near your best capabilities
rhyme scheme i liked...suited this piece well
content wasnt bad...but was a bit basic
i guess this was keyed?...

'So this fight i will ignite, untill he blows out my candle
Im strapped like a sandal, and prepared at every chance
I stared into the devils eyes, when they told me not to glance
^best lines

and it had some decent imagery in places
props
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Old 11-05-03, 02:54 PM   #8
WoRd:Progress
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fuk what they said..ur gay
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Old 11-05-03, 06:03 PM   #9
Mental God
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word? eat my dick... hoe
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Old 11-05-03, 06:37 PM   #10
lyricallycrazy03
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From: detroit
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this was tight fillin that rhyeme espically the way u talk about your beliefs
__________________
i'm between a beat and a hard place
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Old 11-05-03, 07:21 PM   #11
YoUnG-sUsPeCt
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i like that shit it was tight man if give u 8.5/10 man I tatted another on my arm, this way i carried the bane
So I could never be disarmed, it was really worth the pain

i liked that line good work
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Old 11-05-03, 07:31 PM   #12
self
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From: Climbing a mesa
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Closed. Read the rules.
Send a message via AIM to self   Reply With Quote


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