RapVerse.com Community - Ramblings Of The Mind

11-05-03, 10:00 AM

LadyWun

Flyweight

Posts: 120

From: Palm Beach, Fl

Ramblings Of The Mind

IP:

Hopelessness left amoung forgotten dreams

Lost in confusion, or so it seems

Cold clamy fingers grasp the nape of my neck

Unknown to my mind I recall, as I reflect

Broken & damaged, life rips at the seams

As death comes closer, no shoulder for me to lean

On & on the story goes forward as it plays

I remain untouchable to the sunlight rays

I feel I'm on the ouside wanting to look in

Uneducated wanderings living upon sin

Blasphemous times, these years here on earth

You begin to die from the day mothers give birth

Trying to find a reason our bodies grow and die

Searching high and low, between and far, never knowing why

The answer to life itself comes when your already gone

Then we all realize there's no queen, no knights, just pawns

Become content just doing the things that we do

Waiting for the day that we will learn the truth

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 <h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
 
 <MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center>*~*~*~*~*I'm invisible to the unseen eyeI'm undeniable strength*~*~*~*~*~*Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center>

11-05-03, 10:34 AM

LadyWun

Flyweight

Posts: 120

From: Palm Beach, Fl

IP:

come on yous guys don't just peek please post

Attached Images

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11-05-03, 05:18 PM

DthsMissingAngel

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

Iight. Structure and rhyme scheme were great. I got good imagery off this at the beginning. Ur views and opinions were felt and understood. I liked ur outlook on life. I agree wit it totally. Overall good drop, and I liked it. I kno how u feel on ppl lookin at ur stuff and just leavin without postin. It gets annoyin, but of coarse ppl sleep on stuff like this. Good job. Much respect. Keep droppin

11-05-03, 06:24 PM

filed

Sharp Perfection.

Posts: 450

From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin

IP:

this was a simple, yet strong message piece. it seemed down to earth, and natural.

the flow worked, even thou it was basic, it didnt take away from the piece, and they didnt seemed forced.

the structure was good, and the spacing between the lines did give each line a little more attention.

vocab was pretty basic, but that too didnt take away. because the message and emotion were the main focus.

you gave it a bit of your own flavor that also added a uniqueness to it.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven

11-07-03, 05:57 PM

LadyWun

Flyweight

Posts: 120

From: Palm Beach, Fl

IP:

thank you very much........

11-07-03, 07:11 PM

.:LadySage:.

Flyweight

Posts: 144

IP:

this was nice
a real good read
it was simple, but you got it off in a way that makes the reader see it and understand, or maybe its just me
but i liked it, the flow, structure and vocab were str8
it's a message and a thought that i sometimes write about and find myself thinking about
nice drop
eep elevatin

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Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

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