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Old 11-19-03, 11:43 AM   #1
pot1ent
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[Physiatrists. Bridges]

IP:

No amount of dentistry can build this bridge
My tongue never touches the ridge
Yet I remember what I did
Or didn't
Have the tender touch to give
It was hidden
I wasn't really forgiven
When things got slippery
I forgot my epitome
It brought on misery
I thought I couldn't bare
The clothes i bought her
She just wouldn't ware
I stood in despair
When I caught her. .

Telling our daughter
'Your dads got a drink problem'
I was soon to start to think
'Bitch you better start grovelling'
'But darling, Your heart shrinks'
I stood wandering why this tart winks'
'Don't worry, we've just struck a glitch
'BE QUIET!
Now ima have to fuck this snitch'
So I grabbed hold of her
While her worry sweated
'Bitch, Now your gonna get it'
Next time you want a bit of rough
I'll give you your own clit to love
'How can you hit your hub!?'
Next. .
I remember being knocked out
Next thing her knockers were out
Spread all over the coach
Pretty much like I am
'But she screamed ouch'
Saying. .
'I know your my spouse
But I only gave you my hand
I never gave you my virginia'
But I stopped & let her stand
Yelling ' Pussy here for a fiver'
But know one wanted to speak
So I fronted this freak
Who was really my wife
Then started to beat her
Right infront of my daughters site
Then my feet grew weeker
As I fainted at her site
& dropped right infront of her sneekers
When tainted sad words incite
But. .
From here on
I keep clear from wrong
Yet. .
I hold this in debt
Lodged in my chest
Bodged not to confess
That it was me!!
Who ripped my wifes dress
& made her bruised badly
While my little girl grew up sadly
With this bridge callapsing
From time to time
What I lived was relapsing
Then try to find
Mine to thier minds
But can't. .
Only find my feet wet from the water
My daughter know soaks it up
From plants
& now all her blokes have no luck
Maybe from!?
When she caught me
Crazy & dumb
Now I live cautoiusly
Remoursefully. .
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Old 11-19-03, 11:49 AM   #2
self
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Posts: 4,521
From: Climbing a mesa
IP:

Post your replies up, thanks bud.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87961
Thats the rules thread if you need more info.
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Old 11-19-03, 12:02 PM   #3
pot1ent
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IP:

Yo, this is the new style again, the structure did suck terribly, but oh well, lets see if you prefer the flow, since its not so repetitive. .


Links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...8486#post918486

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92853

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Old 11-19-03, 12:11 PM   #4
Edicius
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Posts: 2,950
From: o.O Tssk. O.o
IP:

Its ok

Structure sucked..but the flow was nice kinda poetry flow tho, but just go back to writin ..the way u write..not..u know what i mean = )..

Who was really my wife
Then started to beat her
Right infront of my daughters site
Then my feet grew weeker
As I fainted at her site

Wsnt feelin the double site in it,..but it seems it was rushed,

Im not feelin ur new style

It looks ...olso..yea how u say ^^

and the rhyme was sometimes of, on some point..

But oh well, ..i only write songs so who am i ..

Pz
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Old 11-19-03, 03:53 PM   #5
Dez
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IP:

good job my man... i was feeling this all the wya yo
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Old 11-19-03, 04:28 PM   #6
skitten
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IP:

This was an OK one. I think this a better poem than a rap. It had some really good personal shit.
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