Stormy weather
my soul I tether
to my rhymes
these are hard times
I'm in college now
my old friends sayin wow
askin how, I see sorrow
and they see their future is hollow
I wonder how they'll manage
The world is savage
i wonder if the damage
is irreversible
death seems irrestible
What will come of my dreams
will i drop my classic scenes and schemes
I'm rewriting the theme
of my life story
where will I be when i'm forty
I know I'm still considered shorty
I've passed
the mass
Surpassed my many guardians
It's got to be hard on them
I'm doin it for them
to you i'll give my wealth
It's gonna take alot of stealth
To keep my souls health
The devil is chasing
And it's a souless enemy i'm facing
I see my friend's life their wasting
Casting shadows
wondering how low, they'll go
I continue to flow
to let them know
I'm still here
And a shedded tear
is one I'll wear
and another burden I'll bear
I can't express
nor supress
How much I care
It seems unfair
And in the future I'll be there
And even your childrens burdens I'll bear
The devilishness causes a scare, to any who go there, where
people seem unaware
of the place we call home
is never shown
as a place of pride
and faces hide
In me you can confide
You stay my homie
to end day
forever we will stay
Where you go, I go
with weed and hydro
we'll star in our own shows
But everyone knows
this is a foolish wish, but it would be bliss
If we could finish, life like this
Stay with God and when we shed our bod
we'll be reunited
in a united
front, Forget the blunt
in heaven
there's no reason to rob a seven eleven
Gain hood fame
without causing shame to the family name
Give respect to your number one dame
I promise things won't stay the same
there's a rhyme and a reason
and a designated season
a time to rhyme
a time to cop a dime
And a time to capture the lime light
a time to forget
and a time to remember
and stay together
you help me, I'll help you
to few, friendships are this true
I'll never forget you
I always pray for you
i have to leave
Just believe
That I'll be back
I never let responsibility lack
God willing
the tears are spilling, Pandora's box i'm filling
but I got a good feeling
that some day we'll be free wheeling
No more dope dealin
nor stealin
I love you man
I'm your number one fan
I trust only one
And your the one
Peace
As I ride into the sun
Our friendship is not done, Hell we didn't have enough fun
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THIS IS MY FIRST OPEN MIC APPEARANCE. I HOPE I CAN LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES AND GET BETTER. I HAD A HARD TIME PICKING A NAME SO IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS DROP THEM.

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Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish

You need to drop 3 names or 3 links to peoples you left feedback on or this will get deleted...

But this was ok..you need to work on structure though, your lines are kinda short, make them a little longer and add multies and internals to it to make it flow better....your vocab was alright could be a bit better though but nothing big....overall this was alright...keep at it and keep dropping.

MADD short shit,i didnt read it all,cuz it was long,but the lil piece a read, it was ok

Thank you for your responses I guess your right it should be longer.

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish

I think that's what killed this piece. Teh shortage of the lines. Make them longer and you will get better. Keep elevatin.

this was an okie drop, i think you need a better structure, becuz you hav good word usage and lines it just doesnt sound allforfilled, and ye that girl does have one arm...oood drop my man...keep it up

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

i have to agree, the structure was terrible.....it spoilt the read, also the rhymin was too simple, i didnt make the end, and you need to use proper length lines.......keep at it.....Pz......

that was prity good lines need to be a lill longer but over all good

Yea, just extend those lines hommie. You got some potential to write some nice shit. Just make a better rhyme schemes to your flows. aight then, return the favor and go peep ma shit. " My Thoughts " It will be up in just a sec.

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

__________________

Thanx ya'll

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish