this is not finished yet . . but i still want feedback . . i want to know how i'm doing so far . . and it hasn't been titled yet so... . . if yall can . . try reading my piece and drop down ideas on what i should title it . . aright? it'll be appreciated . . get at me!

it seemed like we never saw through each other's eye/
the many lies i told you, still you never carried any dispise//

the many times we argued about the stupidest littlest things/
behind your mood swings, were all of your deep teachings//

just because i said i hate you at times, but it doesn't mean that i meant it/
committed to make me into somebody, but i never said i wanted to be the culprit//

why don't you ever appreciate what i want to be? why can't you just let me be me?
why do you see my future to be how you plan yours, sorry i can't agree//

you're not trying to break my dreams, you're just trying to do what's best/
all for your suggestion and i understand, but i have to go with what my chest saids//

I like the subject here. The flow was good mild deepness. Its really short so its kinda hard to think of a title yet but maybe something like DIFFERENT OPINIONS or LET ME BE ME or something like that. I don't really know anything to improve yet just make it longer and I'll give some feedback on that.

Check your PM's.

reply to three open mics and drop links to your replies or this thread will be deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

sorry dude . . i keep forgetting to do that . . here they are:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93181
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=92605
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94006

not to bad... but maybe a few more lines that rhyme on each cause it's kinda choppy, good stuff though, deep.... Returning the favor thanks for hollain' on mine Peace Keep Ya Head Up

Yeah this alright i thought...your structure could use a bit of work though, try to keep the lines around the same length cause some of your lines were kinda stretched out there, so try to shorten them down a bit...your flow was alright, could have been better though...but just keep elevating..and keep at it.

yo yo yo...sup' klinik???


Not a bad lil drop son. Like you said its not finished yet so i wont really critiqe it yet. But of what I read of your peice so far its pretty good son. A name for this drop I was thinkin like " The Lonelyness Of Love" or somethin.......idk, just an idea, lol. Be easy son...pcz
o' and fuckin get at me son...FUK!!! lol 1

__________________
*R.I.P*
Jimmy L. , Louis L. , Aj R. , Tyler R. , Chris R., Dan W. , Matt F.......
" You all will never be forgotten and your spirits live within us all!!! R.I.P*"


" So for the 2nd time [The Pharisses] summoned the man who had been blind and said
"Speak the truth before God. We know this man is a sinner."
"Wether he is a sinner I do not know."
:The man replied:
"All I know is this...Once I was blind and now I can see"
John 1x 24-26

good rhyme scheme and topic

finish it and post it, look forward to it

using "stupidest" was genius, lol

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