it's 6 o' clock and i just woke up/
get out a bowl and a coffee cup/
i grab the cereal and milk and put it into my bowl/
and put the cereal into the fridge where it is cold/
i put the milk in the cupboard, where it belongs/
i notice the smell when i get back from bein' gone/
i opened the cupboard, what did i see?/
some chunky ass milk, waitin' for me/
with anger i threw it in the street/
wonderin' how it got there, then i took a seat/
i don't remember gettin' out that stuff/
when i saw the cereal, i fucken had enough/
i stood on my table, with a rope around my neck/
kicked away the table and choked just a sec/

i hate monday mornins

Attached Images

suspect.jpg (21.7 KB, 21 views)

You ryhmed it well for a completely useless topic.
Vocab was good but I won't say up it coz your tellin a story and vocab aint that important.
To improve pick a topic which people will feel.
Overall 6/10

be sure to check out 'love you,hate you' when it drops....it's gon' be amazin

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

lmfao this shit is aight playa it sounds like sum old school snoop doggy dogg shit because thats what he would rap about back then....its coo

This wasn't good at all.. It was one of the worst piece I've seen.. You could of taken this topic really quite deep & painted a picture.. Instead you brung it ever so basic.. = (

Pz.

reply to three open mics, and post links to your replies here, otherwise this thread will be deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

QUITE A WEAK PIECE............UP THE VOCAB AND GET A TOPIC 2 WRITE ABOUT

__________________
sigs are for herbs...Thats why I got one!

dawg you need to pick a topic..that way people would be more into it..your flow was aiight..your creativity was also aiight..use some imagary and vocab, then u'll be str8..6/10

return the favor: check my open mic's

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95506


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95629

this was a tight piece but calm down playa DON'T CRY OVER SPOILT MILK ya herd

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish