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Old 12-16-03, 08:42 PM   #1
CrackaBox187
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Posts: 80
From: Charlie-o, Chuck
just a lil freestyle

IP:

Yall lil clowns, need to turn round, and don't frown,
when your brains spray paint the ground,
how's my 45 sound,
faggots, get the fuck up of me,
up all night tryin to come back,
why you o.d.in' on coffee,
can't step to my shit, when this clip of hollow tips,
hits your bitch when her lips are on my dick
it's sick the way this man spit's have ya scared senseless,
ripin and slashin havin ya stand skinless,
i stand surrenderless with my head up high in holy splendidness,
kid watch your mouth, before im in your house
with sawed-offs out, infectin you like im the gout,
pourin your brains out

holla at me

2 different ones to bospitta
and 1 to viscocity

Last edited by CrackaBox187 : 12-18-03 at 02:17 PM.
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Old 12-16-03, 08:51 PM   #2
Menik
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From: Mifflinburg, PA
IP:

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

But this was ok...your structure needs a lot of work, dont put it in paragraph form, cause it makes it harder to read for some people and it throws the flow of the piece off...so put it line on top of line and keep your lines around the same length...keep at it.
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Old 12-16-03, 08:53 PM   #3
3rDegree21
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that jawn is vicious/ nice rhymes and vocab...good shit
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Old 12-16-03, 08:57 PM   #4
-uski-
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Yea this wasn't Great...ya structure Need Work Aye Ya Need TO Fix that Up Because I THought this was To Hard to read In Some Points.ya Flow was alright Man....but ya Had Alright Vocab still a bit Simple But Keep Elevaten Man......P.€.a.c.€....

Last edited by -uski- : 12-16-03 at 09:00 PM.
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Old 12-16-03, 11:36 PM   #5
Phoeniix
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yeah i thinkt he most crucial part was your structure. made it a little bit of a difficult read. some good rhymes and multis in there that were pretty cool. u came off real "hard" with this peace. good drop just work on that structure. and maybe a new topic would be nice but i understand when u just dont have miuch to write about u just start flowin on how your so ill. hahaa good drop man nice peice
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Old 12-17-03, 05:08 PM   #6
southsideloco
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From: miami florida...the PIMP state
IP:

yo homie this was a good freestyle...
u had sum good multis n vocab like evry1 else said n u came hard n did your best the only problem was your structure... work on it n put it in bars better
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"Im the LoCo that will neva stop flowing till i can elevate to a level where i can be satisfied, n always be satisfied"
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(the kid that neva gives..up)
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Old 12-17-03, 05:54 PM   #7
Playjahrizer
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From: D to the F-Crizzoft City
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decent drop...structure was off as fuck though, hard to read..aight flow...pretty nice vocab
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Old 12-17-03, 06:04 PM   #8
LoCo
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From: Chi-Town 616 HOLLA
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wasnt feeling it work on structure..
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Old 12-17-03, 11:15 PM   #9
CrackaBox187
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From: Charlie-o, Chuck
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my bad bout the structure ya'll but thanx for tha support yall boy hold 'em down much love and i see someone holdin'em down for Cassidy, that's one of the hardest out right now

Last edited by CrackaBox187 : 12-17-03 at 11:18 PM.
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Old 12-18-03, 12:24 AM   #10
.::$izzle::.
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WORK ON STRUCTURE......Other Than That Nice Multis..It Was Simple But Had Nice Vocab.......Nice Freestyle
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Old 12-18-03, 12:28 AM   #11
Nyte Fire
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bein straight up honest....Cracka all your raps structures are shitty...i'd focus on that
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Old 12-26-03, 12:42 AM   #12
riddle_me_this
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From: middletown, ohio
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nice flow.
iwas feelin it. just hard to read.
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