RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-26-03, 04:49 PM   #1
L.A.STR~E~TZ
Middle Weight
 
L.A.STR~E~TZ's Avatar
 
Posts: 441
Joined: Nov 2003
From: dreams
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
the brain of brian

IP: 7B2D 5EB6

the battles i fight throught my whole life
have remained pontless like a blunt knife

my foes unrelentlessly chase me, i drive my own mind crazy
i try coming back and asking the holy spirit to save me
shit just thinkin of every reocurring moment makes me lazy

i run the streetz of my mind helplessly
not knowin wats at the next turn i might just be a few steps away from insanity
trouble maker since elementary
always tired never resting like i was not meant~to~sleep
a whole decade of my lifes been nuthin but misery
adults wanting respect from me
askin if i need help? the truth is theyre the ones dat need therapy

im wonderin where all my freinds went
they all gone from others mal-intent
im actin like havin no one care bout u posseses no real threat
for those whove ive hurt i only feel remorse and regret
knowin that one day these enemies can help me pay the rent


btw, if ya dont know, my name is brian
__________________
Po'Ethics.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-03, 12:43 AM   #2
L.A.STR~E~TZ
Middle Weight
 
L.A.STR~E~TZ's Avatar
 
Posts: 441
Joined: Nov 2003
From: dreams
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: C29C BF71

upped
__________________
Po'Ethics.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-03, 03:18 PM   #3
varentao
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5F0A 0E4C

It was simple. Very rigid. Though seemed 'off hand', cos it stuck with a certain structure in such a way, it tainted the emotion a fair bit. Well, that's how i saw it anyway. Nonetheless, it had a certain amount of something to it. What? I dunno, personal emotion maybe?

...resp...
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-03, 04:45 PM   #4
L.A.STR~E~TZ
Middle Weight
 
L.A.STR~E~TZ's Avatar
 
Posts: 441
Joined: Nov 2003
From: dreams
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: B52E 5E78

i know it was simple, this was one of my first poems. varentao, i respect wat u do. can u chek out sum of my other poems i think ull find them more enjoyable. thanx
__________________
Po'Ethics.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-03, 04:59 PM   #5
varentao
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5F0A 0E4C

^Nothing wrong with simplicity. It's good, some of best poetry is simple.

It just needs to be built upon now. For a first piece, it's good for sure. I didn't know it was your first.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-03, 11:54 PM   #6
Phantasia
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CAFA B61A

Dang all that tude is not needed lol! J/k I aint read it but it sound stupid lol! J/k again it was alright considering my first poem was about a boy named Killers better half.....
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-03, 11:56 PM   #7
L.A.STR~E~TZ
Middle Weight
 
L.A.STR~E~TZ's Avatar
 
Posts: 441
Joined: Nov 2003
From: dreams
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: FDEC 1B17

umm, thanx? thats feedback. it is appreciated. u keep doin ya thing couse ure pretty good at this poetry stuff.
__________________
Po'Ethics.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-03, 11:57 PM   #8
Phantasia
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CAFA B61A

how you kno? have you read anything I've written?? I'ts horrible!
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-03, 11:59 PM   #9
OddPants
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: F90D 94D3

i like the way it all 'rhymes'. it very good. you crazy fan. That for sure. You crazy Fan.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-04, 09:38 PM   #10
shawty"B"
shawty"B"
 
shawty"B"'s Avatar
 
Posts: 96
Joined: Jan 2004
From: Tha many wishes that people make in their dreams...tha depths of a cutters cuts...as shallow as they seem
Status: Offline
IP: 399E F0FD

this one was different from the rest... in a way shallower....... for a first poem this is thu shyt!!! i shudda wurd frum thu bak so i could read your poetry as you progressed poetically and lyrically!
Send a message via AIM to shawty"B"   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:04 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.