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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-27-03, 12:05 AM
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#1
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Sand
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The Orchid With The Pistol
IP: 6387 1717
The Orchid With The Pistol ..
there was a nude woman asleep in the flowers her image set the tone that got increasingly louder she would breath with the power of knowledge enough to teach the bricks the meaning to softness she could only speak to the falseness of brain .. because she was the eternal dream of going insane this lady was 40 years old, lost in adolesence she held a childs innocence in her palm with incentive her thoughts were collected inside one question ..how come the not so honorable always get mentioned ? this drove her to the place beyond the highway where madness doesn't constitute anger, or a life stage life's stage for her was her dresser and mirror broken with cracks and engraved "ugly won't be seen here" she'd stare at it daily, sometimes throwing awful fits she'd had it all, plastic surgery, makeup, even electrolysis n' that's not even all of it .. the orchid with the pistil shot her nerves enough to make her cries a nightly ritual but tonight, she's in the fields with more orchids flying through her dreams with only silicon to soar with everyone looked at her, .. and knew she was fake although, this artificial girl had a heart with a real face inside she was just a child, with ludicrous thoughts but her incentive forced her to act, ludicrous or not so we're back to the field setting and she's asleep again our subject somehow added an s by neglecting a piece of him the flowers are now wilted .. and blood covers the ground nothing utters a sound it's only death that makes this image loud a smile covers her face .. maybe death is peacefully scenic lol no more beating around the bush, .. this heshe just cut off his penis happiness at last ..
__________________
[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-27-03, 12:17 AM
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#2
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wanna play doctor????????
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IP: EEE7 9777
LMAO! hahaha
actually... this sounded real deep in shit.. like all emotional... deep in thought... it was good really... and that twist there... wow... i love shit like that...people being unpredictable... i loved it... it was a solid piece at 1st... and the ending... was like the cherry on top... very nice |
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12-27-03, 12:30 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 0BF6 DD07
Hmm, ok, it's great to be really indirect with a piece, it gives it good meaning, it's also great to have a good twist at the end. But if it's indirect, people rarely get the twist, and it just comes off as random. I feel that's what happened here. Good imagery and stuff, but I couldn't follow.
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12-27-03, 12:44 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 2AF2 3A0F
man your can fucking rhyme, i thought i seen the best until i read what you wrote, damn man, thats some deep ill shit, and i have to say....... no doubt
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12-27-03, 01:12 AM
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#5
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Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.
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12-27-03, 01:22 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 4191 D1DC
i thought it was great i loved the whole think.great flow and vocab,i loved reading the thing the whole way through good job
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12-27-03, 05:02 AM
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#7
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Sand
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IP: 9588 E886
female plants don't have pistils isqael ..
that's the meaning behind the peice .. it's about a man who wants to be a woman .. and finally just snaps .. holla
__________________
[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-27-03, 05:27 AM
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#8
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Sand
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IP: 9588 E886
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&postid=1020616
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...=&postid=987056 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&postid=1013245
__________________
[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-27-03, 06:54 AM
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#9
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 69F8 FA2A
wow. it's much better when you have verses centerd.. i might try it some time.. well anyway nice peice hommie. keep up the good work..
Thank You Peace |
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12-27-03, 06:55 AM
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#10
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 69F8 FA2A
keep forgeting to post the damn rating.
7.5 out of 10 Good Luck!!  |
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12-27-03, 11:38 AM
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#11
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Straight Savage.
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IP: 8BEC CACE
This was a fuckin dope ass piece. I loved how you used metaphors describing different types of people in your second verse. Not only that, but the way you produced a different type of imagery was just fucking awesome. Props to this piece, one hell of an interesting read.
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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
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12-27-03, 02:00 PM
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#12
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Sand
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IP: EC0B 84C7
yeah, i kind of expected even more dick riding from this piece ..
cuz it's one that i actually like that i wrote .. that's kinda rare ..
__________________
[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-27-03, 05:47 PM
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#13
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Guest
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IP: 63EE CDDA
I understand, I'm not a moron, I passed Biology, I'm just saying that you shouldn't do a twist, and beat around the bush with your piece.
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12-27-03, 08:15 PM
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#14
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Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
Sorry this is closed....Your links arent even Open Mic Links...1 leads to Word Perfect Check In Thread...the other 2 lead to 2 battles...sorry, Closed.
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