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Old 01-18-04, 11:49 AM   #1
defcon
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Decent peice from this newbie.. Peep it!

IP: B341 2263

When i spit.. your left seeing metaphorical visions//
and if you were in a car you be having a horrid collision//
our war is my mission and there's no more intermission//
if this rhyme can't kill.. any knife, gun or gat will//
in my lines I spill my heart n soul, your starting cold//
you brain "leaks out" like half eminems album, its pre-sold//
Hold you down on the low cold ground n when no one's around//
Slice ya head off, steal ya wallet.. then jet off//
Now im only 20 bucks up cuz you was broke as fuck//
N by the stroke of luck i choke the clutch//
n my car dies out.. what the hell, what do i do?//
In the distance is my friend, i run to him swiftly//
and quickly explain the situation at hand//
i put all my faith in this man, so ask what to do//
"theres red blue lights faslhing behind you dude!"// <-- him, my friend
I gotta jump, run, take tha fuck off//
I can't be found in this hood, i'll be grounded for good//
If im found then you should not stay around in this hood//
So while they chase me n slowly catch up//
i see you run the other direction n snatch up//
the guys bodie that i scraped up//
steal tha evidence and hide from the residence//
Trip to the ground, knees trembel in their pressence//
the cops finally caught me, the got me surrounded//
lucky you stole the body so they never found it//
I got cuffed, striped, locked up n pounded//
I just pray you made it away//
from the shit i caused that day//


This is the 2nd peice i ever wrote.. hope ya like it!

Last edited by defcon : 01-18-04 at 11:51 AM.
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Old 01-18-04, 12:06 PM   #2
FanTa ZeE
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2nd drop..was tight...could do with a better structure, make the lines basically the same length, but it didn't really have much effect here because the syllables flowed..keep droppin..
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Old 01-18-04, 12:18 PM   #3
R*O*B*B*
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that ryme was good but again it cud of used sum structure
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