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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-07-04, 08:47 AM
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#1
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Bangs like bikini attol
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These eyes
IP: D1F4 CDDD
These Eyes Seeing through these eyes, a bold disgise hidden behind trechorous lies.. An old man confides deep secrets to the mind of a child before he dies.. Seeing through these eyes, feelings of resentment and constant discontent.. A young figure, raped of innocents, dead, being chalked out on cement.. Seeing through these eyes, exausted, still stressed living life like a forfit.. A poor orphan, cast out, remaining proud, with a need to move forward.. Seeing through these eyes, with feelings of neglection & disrespect.. A homeless mans home condemned, & un-planned inspections thats incorrect.. Generating perspective, Many unknown struggles, hardships in peoples lives.. But were too caught up in our own eyes, to walk in another pair of shoes, On another mans miles.. |
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10-07-04, 08:48 AM
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#2
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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP: D1F4 CDDD
^Something quick I wrote while waiting for OMB to drop his topical..
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10-07-04, 11:46 AM
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#3
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
wow, i really enjoyed reading this,i dont think i've had the chance to read any of your stuff, but i'm glad i got to read this...you had great vocabulary and the ability to keep the rhymes flowing the whole way thru, nice imagery in your words as well, touching content too, this has a good point to it, and this poem shows your strong style, i liked that you kept the title in this piece throughout it, there is truth to this poem and a great message, keep em coming....1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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10-08-04, 11:21 AM
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#4
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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP: D1F4 CDDD
Thanks for the feedback.. Though I doubt Ill keep em comming too often.. I only really did this because I was bored and had a bit of time to spare.
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10-08-04, 04:50 PM
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#5
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Its Da Real Deal
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IP: 28AD 5545
Yeah i really liked dis poem your rhymin was good it wasnt to simple keep doin your thing playa
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 <marquee>  </marquee> No ones gonna stop me |
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10-10-04, 05:02 AM
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#6
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Addicted
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IP: 4ED6 D0C7
nice shit.....like fluid moon sed u got gud vocab to keep ur peice flowing till the end....stay up and keep droppin one
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10-10-04, 02:37 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP: 58F3 ED87
it was good i liked it
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i am always boredsopeople pleezePMmeorIMmeonAIM |
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10-13-04, 04:19 PM
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#8
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The Ups and Downs of Life
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IP: D666 F54C
this shit was pretty cool-- good flow... nothing standout but a nice excerisize in rhymin... lookin like a mini open mic/poetic scriptures hybrid...
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10-18-04, 07:50 AM
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#9
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Flyweight
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IP: ACC1 3876
nice work here, pretty good stuff
you had everything working for you mechanically speaking flow, voacb, etc...content wise not bad either;i think you could have benifitted from a bit more depth but none the less it was still good and the point definitely came across props man
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be what you speak, never speak on what you be -Sole |
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10-20-04, 08:45 AM
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#10
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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP: 06B8 DBF2
Thanks bro.. Means more comming from someone I respect as a good Poet.
And yeah, I did finish it off quickly instead of continuing with more scenarios, but that was more a time issue, or lack of it.. Thanks for the feedback people. |
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10-26-04, 03:01 PM
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#11
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New to RV
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IP: A713 E6BC
Very good. Very nice meaning;very deep. Excellent flow. Decent vocab. Keep writing; you're excellent.
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rap4 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rp) n. Slang: A form of popular <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=music&v=56">music</a> developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a syncopated, repetitive rhythmic accompaniment. ^Don't forget the white man^ Poetic Scriptures poems: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157364 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157462 |
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