10 reason why trick or treating is better then sex


10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

aight theres three nuns that want to leave the church and in order to leave the priest says they must commit a sin...

three days later....

priest: what were you sins ladies...

nun 1: i slept with the bishop...

Priest: okay drink some holy water and be on your way...

nun 2: i slept with nun 1

priest: ohhh drink some holy water and be on your way...

Priest and you ...

Nun 3: well....i pissed in the holy water....

haha

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

only is the good ole us of a

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed.

He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"

The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did not!"


haha i can do this all day haha

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion wine before hand and had to piss really badly. So when the next guy was done with his confession the priest asked him,

"Would you mind sitting in for me while I piss?"

The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go along with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under control.

The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Marys, Rosaries and everything was going good.

Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."

So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it. He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but couldn't find a penance.

So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a blowjob?"

To which the kid replied, "He usually gives us two candy bars and a soda pop."

oh shit hahahaha

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

winc.....lol.....yo shit is crazy son...keep it comin muthafucka!!!!1

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like i said i can go all day i just wanted people to get a chance to read them ....more to come soon...

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.

The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"

"I hired people to break into the Watergate Hotel."

The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"

"I cheated on my wife." The Philanderer in Chief replied.

"Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"

"Monica Lewinsky." The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm..... Perhaps you should remain standing."

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

what do you call a dog with no legs?














it doesn't matter he ain't comin hahahaha

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"

"Does anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"No Ma'am, you're thinking of 'blowjob', that's only two syllables!"

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DaTruth29 [~*Lady Fiya*~] shake-spear Trooper Nova