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Old 01-16-05, 10:56 PM   #1
Parallel
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Text Record: 8-4
The Judgement Day- Single

IP: D25C B392

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=171775
^black qweens dope Single...LINK

The Judgement day...

Chorus:
The judgement day is full of blood & laced with Hate
So be careful of every step you make, its all about Fate..
try and survive as long as possible, no matter the Hate
Create your own pride and dignity, then it’ll all Relate..


Verse:
A lota people not caring when it happens, but it’ll Hurt
Don’t even bother saying no one told you, be Alert
Stand strong cause theres people comin in Strongly
Don’t let up and you’ll end up winning as a Emcee
Make sure your always able to be understood Properly
Using your brain over body strength is called Strategy
People not wanting to prey for the Judgement Day
To many scared trying to think of way to force a Delay
It might be another war but its not, it’s all a Mission
Bound to be people in the hospital do for an Incision
Fight, and the day wont hit as hard in your Division
Lots dieing in front of your eyes, such a bad Condition
Shells flying over your shoulders, cant hear Anything
All thats left is your heart and dignity, or maybe Nothing
Only thing left to do is try to be strong, so you Last
Help people when it hits, or you’ll be cursed, real Fast
By the time you end up realizing that your still Alive
There might not be anything left for you to Thrive..
-Parallel

Chorus:
The judgement day is full of blood & laced with Hate
So be careful of every step you make, its all about Fate..
Try and survive as long as possible, no matter the Hate
Create your own pride and dignity, then it’ll all Relate..
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Old 01-17-05, 12:04 AM   #2
JyMiNy
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That was nice yo, ya structure was nice the flow was nice everything was nice about it, reall nice... I enjoy readin ya shit cuz its tyte keep postin shit like this.
-LyL PyRo
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Old 01-17-05, 04:32 PM   #3
WerdSmith
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It sucked.......you suck..the both of you,....suck.
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Old 01-17-05, 04:44 PM   #4
....Gone....
I walk & walk over you
 
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"EH" it was ok, not decent but it was ok. I think you didnt try to be "real" on this piece. Your back in the elevation process homie. Keep it up alright. wun.
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Old 01-17-05, 05:14 PM   #5
Whyte Ave.
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It wasn't a bad piece...best part was the emotion you showed in the piece which made kept me reading. Some decent imagery. But the vocab and wordplay wasn't that deep, also you seemed to changed the way it should be written to bars would rhyme, which actually took away from flow.
example:
Only thing left to do is try to be strong, so you Last
Help people when it hits, or you’ll be cursed, real Fast

keep elevating and the pieces will get better each time...
take time to check my piece "Floating Soul" out
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Old 01-17-05, 10:48 PM   #6
Parallel
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yea...i lacked here..i need to get back at my real life shit....but yea i kidna changed shit around......
yea iunno this one lacked...pz
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Old 01-18-05, 01:01 AM   #7
Flamin Barz
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this was a cool piece tho - it wasn't near your best - but this was still cool - you did lack in some areas but overall i was feelin you fam - 6.5/10
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Old 01-18-05, 03:50 PM   #8
atti?
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Truthfully I Wasnt Really Feeling It...
I Liked The Concept And Where You Were Trying To Go With It...
But You Actually Writing Elements Were Weak...
Like Your Rhyming, Example:Strongly/Emcee???...
Sorry Mayn Thats Pretty Forced...
The Chorus Could Use Some Work Aswell...
Your Chorus Was To Much Like Verse Lines...
Tryn Make It Short And More Cetchy...
Not All Long And Verse Like...
Uuuuuum Thats About It, You Actually Didnt Really Need A Chorus...
Since It Was Only One Verse, But Its All Good...

Thats All I've Got To Say...
Stay Up And Keep Writing Mayn...
.One.
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Old 01-18-05, 05:18 PM   #9
Parallel
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yea....i was wack........uppin
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