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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-25-05, 02:04 PM
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#1
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Influences.
IP: 91BE E952
|...The Scene...|
Wilted flower's droop to the breeze of whisper's of air. While basking in the elusive lord's retreat namely his lair. Hand's carved scenery to reincapture mind's and display perfection. Untouched stationary's slaving to rid evil & enforce correction. Tree's wilt and shadow the soil, to discreet plantation birth. Scene's untouched by men alike, no wound's on bark for axe's to insert. Landscape's provide haven for animal's to bask in god's glory. Mind's unravel upon presence of nature, a heart-felt story. Bush's twine and twist amongst trunk's, & array's of petal's. Non-industrialist, sweet oudor's instead of molten metal's. |...Human Influence...| Nature hidden away from the malicous pupil's of destruction. To halt the advance of tree-cutting, and soothe tree dweller reduction. Motion's of the air affect action's of petal's & illuminate the horizon. While nature's imagination's direct anger on lumberjack's, and despise-em. Tree bark withhold's spirit's and embossed image's of entity's. Seducing colour's fulfill flower formation's & highlight natural remedy. Pilgrim's scripture's bestowed in nature's tool's and reserve's. Blossoming taking place, and vine's galavanting with olive's & herb's. Vision's of natural waste, & every tree death & animal fatality's. ...Shatter as my mind slip's back to life, & persistent reality's. This was a topical battle verse, and due to certain reason's i put this is OM form for feedback, tell me what you think.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-25-05, 02:06 PM
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#2
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IP: 91BE E952
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-25-05, 02:14 PM
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#3
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.::Relaunched Original::.
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IP: E3CA 7CA2
i liked it alot....there was alot of imagery so i can picture it in my minds eye. i liked the vocab alot...thats what brings out all the emotion. um...the story is what enviromentalists or liberals like to think when it comes to these issues. oh and sorry for the inadequate feedback...everything is still new to me...ha...back then we didnt have to leave so much...well i wont go on with the b/s ha...pz...
8/10 Last edited by Lyrikal.Havok : 01-25-05 at 02:43 PM. |
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01-25-05, 02:31 PM
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#4
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IP: 91BE E952
Eh, thank's for the feedback?...
Upping for explained feedback and criticism.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-25-05, 03:16 PM
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#5
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IP: 91BE E952
Lol at the edit, upping.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-25-05, 03:25 PM
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#6
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Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP: 4264 BA5B
damn fam..didnt know u could come dis nice......(lookin forward 2 our collab)
-gd vocab -on point structure -flow a lil bit choppy -vivid imagery -deep emotion overall-8.6/10  - keep droppin n reppin
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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01-25-05, 03:29 PM
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#7
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IP: 91BE E952
Thank's for the feed fam, upping.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-25-05, 04:03 PM
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#8
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IP: 91BE E952
Upping for feed/critique.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-26-05, 12:43 PM
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#9
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IP: 382F 24DB
Upping for some more feedback.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-26-05, 01:13 PM
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#10
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...Simply The Best
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IP: 3240 794D
this is nice man...you had some pretty good vocabulary...deep emotions...story was very nice...but flow was a little off tho...but overall this is a pretty good drop...8.5/10
return tha favor on my "Twizted Government Diss"
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 Net Record(56-9) RV Record(13-3) Overall Record 69-12 |
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01-26-05, 02:40 PM
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#11
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IP: 382F 24DB
Thank's for the feedback, upping.
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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01-27-05, 12:15 PM
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#12
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IP: 8AEB A054
Upping this foo's....
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The Jury. & Intellectual Thought's |
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