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Old 03-17-05, 03:43 AM   #1
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Try and relate to This

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This is a lil topical joint I jus came up wit about my Grandfather's death


I dropped the phone and sat in silence can’t believe this is real
This can’t be anything but life dishin another raw deal
No appeals, seems so unreal, so I pinched my left arm
Squoze it tight and broke the skin…yeah the shit did some harm
So I sighed and dried my tears cuz I’m still in reality
Couldn’t rise up to my feet…not in the right mentality
So I just sat there for a minute still shocked in disbelief
Wish my moms would come and hold me so I could feel some relief
.
.
But wait a second u cats don’t even know the story
So I’mma break it down for ya and give God all the glory
.
.
.
I’ll skip back about 5 minutes…yeah right there’s about it
Sorry…had to press rewind…now we’re back lickety split
1:37 in the a.m. the phone rings…but something ain't right
The tone of the phone is agitated as if expressing contrite
I awake sluggishly with wintergreen scope on my breath
Unaware that this phone call was concerning a death
“Hello” is what I said in a deep raspy tone
“Is this some kin to Johnny T I’m speaking with on this phone?”
All I could think is Oh my God, but “I’m his grandson” is what I said
“Well I regret to inform you this but…your grandfather is dead”
.
.
.
Fast forward to the wake where mom cries with revere
Makes it clear that she’s distraught that her dad is not here
It cut my family so deep…the scar left was so severe
Everybody broken and cryin, I’m bein strong not sheddin tears
I know it's o.k. for men to cry but, I’ll do it on my own time
Cuz right now my family needs me…life ain’t seemin sublime
But God brought me through the pain…lifted me to my feet
Showed me Johnny T in a dream helped me become complete
Told me don’t worry bout gramps I got this under control
Follow my word, live ya life right and....BEHOLD
.
.
Then he opened up the heavens and allowed me to look
“You’ll be granted eternal life when we close the pages of ya book”
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Old 03-17-05, 12:42 PM   #2
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C'mon uppin this shit...lets get some feedback on here
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Old 03-17-05, 01:28 PM   #3
DQ
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It cut my family so deep…the scar left was so severe
Everybody broken and cryin, I’m bein strong not sheddin tears
I know it's o.k. for men to cry but, I’ll do it on my own time
Cuz right now my family needs me…life ain’t seemin sublime

^I can definately relate to this because when my grandpa died I couldn't cry until few months after his death

I enjoyed reading this drop, the emotion was the strongest aspect of your piece and the imagery was good as well. Found a good balance with your vocab, it was suitable for the topic and you kept it quite simple to really focus on the content of your verse. I like how you managed to write down your emotions on such a sensitive topic. Good going man!

DQ
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Old 03-17-05, 02:57 PM   #4
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^^^Preciate ya thoughts....................lets get some feedback goin
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Old 03-17-05, 05:47 PM   #5
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Lets get some moer feedback............uppin...............
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Old 03-17-05, 06:51 PM   #6
A-Sez
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not bad mayn. shit, seems like alot of ppl bin loozin loved 1's lately.
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Old 03-17-05, 11:59 PM   #7
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Preciate tha feedback, lets get some more...................uppin
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Old 03-19-05, 01:50 PM   #8
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uppin this shit for feedback.....................
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Old 03-20-05, 11:38 PM   #9
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Damn man c'mon...I put heart and soul into this piece...give me some type of feedback, good...bad...somethin
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Old 03-23-05, 02:11 AM   #10
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I see yall lookin at it...leave some feedback
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Old 03-28-05, 07:59 AM   #11
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Damn...man...last time uppin this shit
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Old 03-28-05, 09:02 AM   #12
The Militant
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i liked it nice drop man some good vocab structre was good flow was a lil off 7/10
keep up the work man

please return the favor in on of my open mics links r in my sig
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Old 03-28-05, 04:16 PM   #13
Kawn Flixx
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closed no link..pm me the link..if you want this re-opened
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