RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-28-05, 12:08 AM   #1
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
Joined: Jul 2005
From: Hayward, CA
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-2
Braille Sunrise

IP: 5DE6 0B3F

woke up to an alarm going off steadily beeping
sat with legs hanging off the side of bed, weeping
I was blind now..emotions creeping, im weak
my daughter helped me stand, I touched her cheek
she said, " good morning dad. Did u have sweet dreams?"
I replied, " Yes I had a wonderful night it seems"
my heart tearing at the seams, I wanted to see her face
she sat me down to readwith haste, an embrace
of her arms made me feel warm and empty
her mom died last year, my daughter is tempting
my daughter exempting me with my walk, her name Stacy
thinking of raping my own daughter..is it crazy?
god made me go blind, a snakes spit in my eye
called for help, at least I tried, but I began to cry
I felt the tears but it was really slime dripping
daughter came to save me, time slipping
now 2 years later wife dead and im pleased
she drunk some wine with poison, my family still feeds
maybe I'm mentally diseased, but I dont care
reading braille and hearing her brush her hair
thinking was rare, cuz i could only think of madness
daughter came out and asked if I had this
a book in braille she said, and asked me to read
my anger was too impossible to feed..
I grabbed her hair and brung her down to the table
and I choked her since I was most utterly able
she stopped breathing and I spread a wild smile
got on top of my daughter for a long while
I went outside sun coming up, I didnt want to hurt her
but then I read in the sunrise, Braille explained..Diagnosis Murder


I used this in a battle on a diff. site tell me wut'cha think cuz she didnt show lol
__________________
When i vote on urs vote on mine
Me vs. Opt1k(topical..50/vote)
I do this to herbs>>
Send a message via MSN to Rile1   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:14 AM   #2
Christianite
Witness, 4 God, 4-Ever
 
Christianite's Avatar
 
Posts: 455
Joined: Jun 2004
From: Bootheel of MO
Status: Offline
IP: 554A 541B

this was good, imagery and emotion were very good, vocab was good, keep it up man
__________________
i come from a time when you earned respect,
for your rhyme and the way you made words connect,
not the money that you made or the girls you sexed,
a concept you obviously haven't heard of yet
Mars Ill
Send a message via MSN to Christianite   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 02:25 AM   #3
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
Kawn Flixx's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 70-13
IP: 0AE0 3B1A

Drop a link or this will be closed
__________________
The Competition


Send a message via AIM to Kawn Flixx Send a message via MSN to Kawn Flixx   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 07:17 AM   #4
Ysdat
Whys That?
 
Posts: 2,007
Joined: Sep 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 11-0
Audio Record: 2-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5285 DC82

this was good, imagery and emotion were very good, vocab was good, keep it up man
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:23 PM   #5
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
Joined: Jul 2005
From: Hayward, CA
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-2
IP: 5DE6 0B3F

LOL ^^ u hella just pasted haha..ok ill get some shortly..I only need 2 right?
__________________
When i vote on urs vote on mine
Me vs. Opt1k(topical..50/vote)
I do this to herbs>>
Send a message via MSN to Rile1   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:27 PM   #6
Viva
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
 
Viva's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,291
Joined: Apr 2005
From: ring the BEL and run FAST!!!
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-1
IP: 042E 9E4C

lol damn! i was readin it like :O sick fuck! but i really liked the twist at the end, i like ur writing style, keep it up! oh and RTF link in my sig plz!
__________________
This is my sig. what?

I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =)

I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks!
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:28 PM   #7
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
Joined: Jul 2005
From: Hayward, CA
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-2
IP: 5DE6 0B3F

^^ ok ill hit it up in a second... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=201949 theres my link lol
__________________
When i vote on urs vote on mine
Me vs. Opt1k(topical..50/vote)
I do this to herbs>>
Send a message via MSN to Rile1   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:31 PM   #8
mizz fyre
**the council**
 
mizz fyre's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,196
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: 8EC9 BC1C

hmmm this was an o.k attempt....i was a bit disappointed coz although the topic was a creative one i felt that you didn't expand it enough......upp the vocab a little....some words were just too simple....nice emotion however....i felt that was your strongest point in this drop
__________________

  Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:31 PM   #9
Journal!st
Above Originality
 
Posts: 2,757
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D40E 67D5

ayo man holla at REALITY CHECK HOMIE FOR A DEAL FOR AND CONTRACT!!!!!!!!!!GO TO THE FORUM OR SOME SHIT OM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holla at my OM http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=201804

and http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=201737

RTF
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future
Send a message via AIM to Journal!st Send a message via MSN to Journal!st   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:32 PM   #10
Journal!st
Above Originality
 
Posts: 2,757
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D40E 67D5

this was alright though man u could elevate homie just PM me for the deal on reality check
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future
Send a message via AIM to Journal!st Send a message via MSN to Journal!st   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 12:36 PM   #11
$wollzilla™
I Got Money In Tha Bank
 
$wollzilla™'s Avatar
 
Posts: 1,418
Joined: Mar 2005
From: san antonio
Status: Offline
IP: 7171 290E

dogg this was hottt
__________________
My Rhymes Pack More Punchlines Than a Private School Dance...


My Niggas Dont Groove We Jus Bust A Move
N Fuck Bout 4 Bops A Day
We WIldlife Wit it...


www.myspace.com/imthakingpsc
Send a message via AIM to $wollzilla™ Send a message via Yahoo to $wollzilla™   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 01:47 PM   #12
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
Joined: Jul 2005
From: Hayward, CA
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-2
IP: 5DE6 0B3F

thanks man..upping for more feedback please
__________________
When i vote on urs vote on mine
Me vs. Opt1k(topical..50/vote)
I do this to herbs>>
Send a message via MSN to Rile1   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 02:38 PM   #13
Artik Phrost
+...Femin-iLL...+
 
Artik Phrost's Avatar
 
Posts: 562
Joined: Oct 2004
From: -NapTown-
Status: Offline
Text Record: 7-4
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 6E69 7B24

whoa...@ the story line...yu told the story pretty well...some good imagery...it coulda have been a lil deeper....but, then again...that probably woulda went into thing too much...and made it boring....


of her arms made me feel warm and empty
her mom died last year, my daughter is tempting

^thats some perverted and sick shit....

i say, well done...even though i was creeped out...but yu put this together nycely
__________________
..:: Artik In The Phlesh::..
.Re-Writing The Re-Run.

Send a message via AIM to Artik Phrost Send a message via Yahoo to Artik Phrost   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 02:50 PM   #14
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
Joined: Jul 2005
From: Hayward, CA
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-2
IP: 5DE6 0B3F

lol yeah I wanted it to be a lil scary but im glad to have quotables lol
__________________
When i vote on urs vote on mine
Me vs. Opt1k(topical..50/vote)
I do this to herbs>>
Send a message via MSN to Rile1   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-05, 02:52 PM   #15
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
Dervla's Avatar
 
Posts: 360
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
IP: D77F C5B5

I could blow this apart in our battle RIE1

Luckly I no showed
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
Send a message via AIM to Dervla   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:04 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.