RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

View Poll Results: What needs most improving
grammer 0 0%
structure 1 50.00%
length 1 50.00%
fine as is 0 0%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 03-03-03, 09:52 PM   #1
Truthful State
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
In the Depths of my Eye

IP: 4577 CD9A


You see me, look the other way & you don't/
Acknowledge my smile, but in other ways you won't/
You hold me, naturally I know your there/
Staring into ones eyes make me question how much you really care/
As time progresses I see your effortless ways/
The love I have for you has evolved, into a helpless gaze/
You've tainted my mind/
Robbed my godess of her fruit/
Wasted my time so I define you as thy blinded brute/
Bearing the fact that now you must leave, batters my heart for there is so much I want to give & recieve/
In a relationship I need affection/
But you couldn't possibly give with your life in the wrong direction/
I took a deep breath and gave you time/
While all along I saw our relationship dying/
I sacrificed my all, gave my mind & once I'm gone you'll soon realize that me, ya girl .......was one of a kind//

Let me know wha'chu think but please don't be brutal if the poem need be criticized

Last edited by Truthful State : 03-03-03 at 09:57 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-03, 12:49 PM   #2
Truthful State
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 19BE C480

.................
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-03, 08:27 AM   #3
varentao
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: BFE5 28C7

I dunno..

...i mean even though technically i felt it had some flaws..

..when i first read it, i got caught up in it...maybe it's the personal depth...i dunno...but you captured some emotions real good..

....nice...for sure...

....respect...
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:47 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.