RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-04-03, 09:16 PM   #1
SmoothCrmnl
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Misconstrued Conceptions

IP: ABE5 5A5C

I lay and stare into the moonlit sky

where all the mystical starz shine with the utmost glory

have you ever just wanted to touch a cloud?

just to take a piece of heaven home with u?

in realization, i lay beside my lonlely one person bed at night...crying dry tears

tears that cut through my soft pillow and flood it with sorrow

am i really feeling this way or am i just writing?

Ideas spring in my head but i don't hold the key anymore to my heart..it was stolen by the 40 thieves and sold to the black market

feelings obsorb my soul with the upmost serenity

so as i lay asking what is my purpose on this planet..this universe..this third rock from the sun, it hits me....

now the sun shines and i cry..

cry with all my heart...
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-03, 09:24 PM   #2
shiznit
Tampons are expensive
 
shiznit's Avatar
 
Posts: 676
Joined: Mar 2003
From: Somewhere uve never been born....
Status: Offline
Text Record: 2-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: EF0A E7B2

hmmm...deep...nice flow...weak vocabs tho...and just a suggestion..it would be better if u address it to the readers with more description specifically and not in general...dont take this the wrong way...i liked it and it would be better if u put a little rhyme scheme but all in all it was aiight...and nice line breaks too..keeponit
__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>
Send a message via Yahoo to shiznit   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-03, 12:39 AM   #3
SmoothCrmnl
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: ABE5 5A5C

thanx 4 the comments...i'll take it into consideration...uppin for mo comments ya'll
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:16 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.