RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-23-03, 12:07 PM   #1
Default
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
First Post!

IP: E15D 1DF9

Hey everyone, this is my first txt rap. Please be honest, if it is crap, say it! anyway hope someone likes it.

This bitch is asking me to invade her bum,
but that aint a way i like to cum,
Never done it before, dont think i ougtha,
cos as sure as hell, her eyes are gonna water,
and she wud hate it if it was her daughter.

Mother or Daughter, which am i gonna choose,
Older or Younger, what am i gonna do,

I like older women, 40 plus,
I really love it when she sucks,
She uses her tongue, its very nice,
It drives me wild, i think im gonna cum twice.

I wont get teased if i go for the daughter,
but to her mum, she is much younger,
less experienced, doesnt know what she is doing,
instead of sucking, she maybe CHEWING!!!!

thanks for reading this, and please tell me ur true opinion!
Cheers
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 12:49 PM   #2
BlUnT-MC
Got More Meds Than Pfizer
 
BlUnT-MC's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,637
Joined: Nov 2002
From: ScarBorouGh
Status: Offline
Text Record: 25-38
Audio Record: 11-10
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: C7EE 0184

lol... it sucked.. but it was funny to read... you'll elevate, 'cause you deff. have creativity... just work on your flow.. and vocab, 'cause damn.. if you ust the word bum describing anything but a homeless person, your vocab is low...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
Send a message via AIM to BlUnT-MC   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 12:51 PM   #3
Default
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 666B 3739

cheers BlUnT-MC, thanks for the advice, i will keep working on it! cheers
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 12:55 PM   #4
Genetikz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5B97 595D

lol was funny n fun, but baisc na mean, BUT dont panic, contstruction was iight u just gotta elivate alot in vocab n muiltis n meta n all, BUT that comes natureally, what ya gotta do is accept advise (n u askin for it) so looks like ya can n change slowely,,, dont be thinkin ma shit is dope n thats it cuzzz ma shit, any1s shit is always can be improved,,,, respect playa
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 12:58 PM   #5
Default
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 666B 3739

cheers zainy, im taking all of this down! by the way, nice shit on fuck everybody! thanks again!
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 12:59 PM   #6
Genetikz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5B97 595D

^word
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 01:44 PM   #7
WORD~PERFECT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1769 3B0F

WAS DECENT ENOUGH TO READ.I LIKED IT
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 05:53 PM   #8
Default
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: EED2 4F8F

Cheers word~perfect. im working on it, i have a beat to go with it, i just need to know how to put the beat to the lyrics! i really wanna get a demo sorted, see what everyone thinks, if its good, i will send it somewhere, that may listen to it, maybe let me have some studio time and sign me up! i really wanna do this!
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 05:58 PM   #9
Dez
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: B7E7 EEE0

No.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 07:16 PM   #10
Caramac
Tickle My Sloth
 
Caramac's Avatar
 
Posts: 686
Joined: May 2002
From: Wolverhampton, England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 10-5
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 0680 3F6A

Lmmfao! You herbs are crazy, seriously.
Damn, this was funny simply because of
how wack it was, it had no real topic, no
emotion, not rhyme pattern, no wordplay
, no quoteables, nothing! The whole thing
was just structured horribly, w/ the most
simplistic style ive seen in ages.

Funny though i guess. : )
Send a message via AIM to Caramac   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 07:38 PM   #11
{UneeK}
Banned
 
Posts: 197
Joined: Apr 2003
From: Look in the reflection of your monitor (uk really!)
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CC07 EC19

ok ok ok

defualt, hit me up on msn messenger or something, and ill teach you rap, it will be convenient cus im from the uk as well (CHESTA P WILL RIP YOU EMCEES)

oxigin1@hotmail.com
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-03, 07:39 PM   #12
{UneeK}
Banned
 
Posts: 197
Joined: Apr 2003
From: Look in the reflection of your monitor (uk really!)
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CC07 EC19

although, on 2nd thoughts where u takin da piss?
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-03, 12:00 PM   #13
Default
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 3BB1 BB68

i wasnt grafix, it was my first rap online, i just wanted to see what everyone thought about it, and for them to tell me the bad points, so i can work on it! i will hit you up later, im getting my bitch to help me on it, she's very good! if i need help afterwards i will contact ya, Thank you for everyones opinion, and for their advice, it will help me to elevate! Cheers again
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:45 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.