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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-06-03, 11:06 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Unfinished... lookin for suggestions.
IP: 24A3 0EF0
Hey, I've been working on this poem, but I'm not sure what direction to take from here. I'm welcome to any comments or suggestions. Thanks.
--------- Take my hand and lead me To a place that's beyond time A faraway dimension A place with true serenity Full of hope, love and desire A land with no disturbances Just peace, and flickering fires The flames will dance, Mirroring your desire Reflecting in your eyes I watch them glimmer and sparkle Captivating me in trance... |
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08-06-03, 11:35 PM
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#2
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IP: D251 FCF5
i would finish it add more structure an a lil more flow with some stronger vocab and ya got a hell of a piece
my advice finish it ..resp.. |
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08-06-03, 11:56 PM
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#3
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IP: A005 784F
that pretty cool what you got going on there for a poem, although that's not really what I write about. So I'm afraid I can't help you.
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08-07-03, 12:38 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
Thanks guys. I'm just gonna keep readin over it and try to step it up a bit.
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