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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-03-03, 06:23 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Bruised Heart
IP: DD4F 8D9B
Arial red small
I told myself no more heartbreaks that i wouldnt cry anymore tears until you came along and scared away all my fears but you too were nothing i thought you to be but i guess thats just how you are you meant everything to me but you are the meanest, by far you gave me up for someone else someone who once broke your heart true or false: she tore your world apart i'll be okay without you though your like any other guy dont forget.. i loved you so but you were all just one big lie. |
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10-03-03, 06:43 PM
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#2
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I Am The Light
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IP: C560 DFFF
hey congrats on your first post.....You put a piece down instead of instigating someone else's nice...
As for the piece..i understood the nature of the poem....the rhyme scheme was a bit fluttered but understandable...keep writing and elevating.... -1-
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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10-04-03, 01:09 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 6404 8731
but you were all just one big lie.
nice ending the piece is nice not great but not bad its a good 1st post i cant say i 2 feel the same way but i understand where ur coming from keep posting |
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10-04-03, 06:13 PM
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#4
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Word.
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IP: 76B1 9A60
Yeah i agree this was a good piece, it made a good read, it flowed pretty well together, i was feeling the meaning of it when i was reading it, you had good content i felt, overall it was a good piece, keep it up.
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10-04-03, 07:15 PM
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#5
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Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
I think of the same line as the others it was decent and I
think that the main thing to work on is getting some metaphors or just spicing it up a little bit. When you describe how you feel you want to make everyone else feel what you are feeling. "but you are the meanest, by far" That was the one line I really believe you could have come up with something better just by reading the rest of it. "someone who once broke your heart true or false:" My favorite, because it has a little play on words there and it brought the piece over well. keep writing
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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