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Old 10-04-03, 06:55 PM   #1
K-Dubb
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The Life of Mine

IP: B20F 67F7

I think its bout time to tell ya bout tha life of mine
no i dont commit no crime but im striving jus to earn a dime//
I am gonna reminisce
but dont laugh because i want to persist//
My life is based on morality but has had a lot of brutality
but hey, thats mortality//
Don't worry bout me for this might be sentimental
and u might understand if our happenings are coincidental//
I live in a single roomed house
with a one cushioned couch//
Theres no one to have a conversation
my neighborhood theres a lot of interdiction
where theres always some kind of restriction//
The streets are filled with wankstas
and ya cant forget the wannabe gangstas//
the police are all racist
makes ya wanna say get down and suck this//
but if ya say a bad line
they'll grab a bullet and end your time//
that's exactly how my dad died
the only thing he said was, your gonna get fucked up and fry//
You can't be too judgemental though
'specially if you see someone with a rental hoe//
Tha chicks here they come they go
and not none of 'em are too slow
and hell no, im not mocking the Eminem show//
This is my life im tryin to tell you about
if you lived here you'd be scared to even pout//
This is a brief decription of tha life that I live,
yea I am wanting to go big even though I got one small crib//
It'll happen soon dont be a hater,
all i can say now is, see ya later.
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Old 10-04-03, 08:05 PM   #2
K-Dubb
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IP: A10D 4933

Someone give me some feedback plz. Thanx
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Old 10-04-03, 09:12 PM   #3
Mag...
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Well K...this to me is just a draft...ya feel? just proof it and say it aloud a few more times and i think you will find places where the flo could get better...

but hey maybe im wrong man... i didn't hear you spit it...
"racist/suckthis"? didn't really feel this rhyme...

{Peace}
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The End
Carson, you aren't shit, so don't even post to me again. You suck at audio, you suck at text,and you suck at life. You and I both know that you would have lost 99% of your battles if you didn't have a voting ring and pick on the 9 year olds who join the site.
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Old 10-04-03, 09:37 PM   #4
K-Dubb
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Yea, i had some trouble on that one, i wasn't even gonna put that line, but when I said it, it sounded aight ta me. yea tho to me its a pretty good draft.
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Old 10-04-03, 10:46 PM   #5
Co-Faxe
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Yo Try evening out your bars so it flows a little smoother, use more mets(comparrisions) and try some multis (ex. i'm driven for spitten by crusifiction) it'll add depth to ya ryme
~1~
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