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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-25-03, 10:19 PM
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#1
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Guest
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let this life get better im drowning in some hen....
IP: F297 3228
this pain is imbedded in my heart,
i try to maintain but its shreading me apart, i look up in the sky and ask god to take me, why you messing with this girl that dates me, she didnt do anything take my soul i was the one that did dirt and smoked a bowl she was a perfect angel she coulnt hurt anyone, she is so sick and we barly had time for anyfun, it seems to me you hate us all i believe thi as i look at her my precious bella angello's means alot more than this world now it seems she's headed for the afterlife, please god take me i dont want to live after her life is taken away i love this girl with all my heart forsakeing i pull out the ak i dont want to restart the dirt i did im sorry for god believe me you take her away from me i believe u decieved me she doesnt deserve this god give me a sign please take away her pain she's only 17 and dieing i cant take this pain its tearing me to peices its even shreadding tears deep inside where the beast lives but i pray to the heavens above let her live because i need her while im living in this sin believe this bad to good,back to bad thats how it ended up, got out the hood andthats y i dont give a fuck ....hurts to much shit another day.....praying to god,,,, Last edited by slip shady : 10-25-03 at 10:45 PM. |
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10-25-03, 10:45 PM
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#2
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Can u beat me?..Hell No
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IP: C199 63A3
this was an ok piece. it flowed very well and your topic was pretty tight..........but u need to use some better vocab. nice piece though playa.
holla |
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10-26-03, 06:56 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: F297 3228
uppin
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10-26-03, 07:09 PM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: F19F D969
That was a simple piece slip. Too simple. You can elevate and drop better open mics if you throw in some clever wordplay, metas and multies. Then your pieces would be more interesting to read. But you put some heart in this piece and the flow is there. Stay active and keep dropping open mics that's how you'll elevate.
__________________
What the fuck is this? |
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