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Letting my inner Poet Free
IP: A70C 8BB7
Images Frozen in Time
Things stuck in my mind Thoughts I have built, all on my own Driven by a force unknown Heart struck loneliness when all alone Pen and paper and a candle for light I write my heart out, deep into the night A shadowy figure a disturbing sight Griping the pen with all of my might A struggle for love a ongoing fight My world is spinning the opposition is winning My self-discovery is just beginning With every word a new place found Shedding the pain, tears left on the ground An inner fire let it burn Sweep away the ashes, no concern Thinking clearly, mind lapses I earn For a new life I yearn Can’t I be free from my personal prison? Scattering light through a single prism and when its done a rainbow is living Respecting the home god has given And from the ashes a man has risen Astronomical theory used like religion Tracing the world back to its beginnings What I write is my minds decision Don’t think, don’t ask, just do it When I am done I don’t even read through it Cause it is how it is and that’s how it shall be Im letting my inner poet free Creating a personal poem that’s came from me Last edited by Dr.Gonzo : 11-17-03 at 05:48 PM. |
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IP: 2970 7FD1
the rhyme scheme and flow was felt. i thought u had a good use of vocab and structure. overall good job
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IP: 399E F0FD
Good job. Rhyme scheme was weird. It was as if you intended on using a scheme in until the middle, then you stopped. That messed up the flow a little at the end. But dont get me wrong, it was a good drop. Seems like you really put urself into this. Overall, good job. Keep it comin. Much respect.
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Flyweight
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IP: 1A71 4B47
nice topic
the rhyme scheme was messed up, with poetry you dont need to stick to one rhyme, but you have to be clear with it, you picked one, then another than another, and it made the read real shaky.. you dont want that to happen also... poetry doesnt always have to rhyme, getting emotion and a deeper meaning (sometimes not even that) across is the thing that matters... here your rhyme seemed forced, dont throw in words just because, deeper words that mean the same can be used, elevate your vocab structure play around with word usage keep elevatin your on a good start
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"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
Once again let's throw out all the technical details that go into a poem. I thought this was just a random pen to paper on a whim type drop. Meaning you did not sit down and contomplate a structure or scheme, it's reads more like you just let your pen walk onto the page until it was done. I really enjoy that kind of work, I myself am prone to use that style, just letting my pen flow free without editing or making corrections for structure or ryhme scheme. I feel these type of drops reflect the fluidness of a poets thoughts. Anyone can over compensate for structure or use a percise ryhme scehme, match stanza' to syllabols, but a real test is to just let your pen free style so to speak. If this is the case here, you did a good job, I enjoyed reading it.
Respect ~Bounce~
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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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Guest
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IP: A70C 8BB7
Ya i dont really sit down to think about a ryming scheme and what not i just kinda go and see where it ends up..
i will take into consideration tho.. contiinue to evelate thx for the feedback .....Peace |
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