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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-22-03, 09:50 AM
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#1
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Guest
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love is dead
IP: C149 8644
i asked if you would carry my last name
become my better half the words from your oral cavity said yes but on the inside you laughed was the last nine months a lie? could you be that good an actor? what was the ulterior motive? cause money damn sure wasnt a factor tears from your eyes only exaggerate the lies that you told in disguise the more truth you recite, the more love dies, itll be wise to say our goodbyes and it was a friend in this event an ex-friend that you allowed to render penetration riddled with frustration, ill succumb to the temptation and eliminate this cats salvation how could you........? take a vacation on the relationship that we assembled ive heard the saying that love hurts but even jack wasnt that nimble my heart explodes spontaneously like pimples on the expressions of kids in time i may be able to forgive but ill never forget what you did so again i ask you to carry my last name,only carry it in your heart and perhaps in the future youll cherish this bond that you so willingly tore apart let your boy get some feedback, this shit actually is going on right now............................ |
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11-22-03, 10:24 AM
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#2
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[/merk material]
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IP: 1495 6CD9
Feelin this mayn... nice wordplay an i like the imagery...
Quote:
Really liked the way u mixed brutal honesty in that line bout pimples... thas wot i mean bout imagery. I would jus give one small criticism an thas with regards to the structure... it was a lil hard to read at first so i re-read it... other than that it was hott son. Ps: Go an tryout in Lyrical Soldiers... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/for...?s=&forumid=199 . ... ..... ... .
__________________
- Deja Vu -
remember us?
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11-22-03, 10:35 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: C149 8644
preciate the feedback....................upps for more
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11-22-03, 11:44 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: C8EF A028
I'm fellin you. This was alittle deep for me but I felt every ounce of emotion. Your illistrations and comperisons added to the way you felt. I'll upp this for you my damn self. I hope ya situation be straight. Keep doin ya thing
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11-22-03, 12:34 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: C149 8644
appreciate it.....
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11-22-03, 02:53 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Gread piece. It had a lot of emotion in it and i can tell that you truely put ur heart into this one. I personally can relate seeing I went through the same thing. Great imagery and scheme. Structure was great. Overall great job. I liked it. Just keep your head up. In the end everything will work out. Much respect. Keep it up.
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11-22-03, 09:33 PM
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#7
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Guest
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...
IP: F297 3228
really like this yo
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11-22-03, 09:47 PM
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#8
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
Every line was overflowing with emotion.. it was like.. hurt, sadness, anger.. all rolled into the words. It was ill the way you wrote it, and the flow was off the hook. The structure doesnt matter when it flows as well as this did. One of the deepest I've read in a while. Perfect, nothing I would change. Good drop!! Keep 'em comin!
__________________
<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-22-03, 10:32 PM
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#9
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IP: 3DEF 9A9C
A nice read i really enjoyed this line:
tears from your eyes only exaggerate the lies that you told in disguise the more truth you recite, the more love dies, itll be wise to say our goodbyes To me it was the line with the most emotion and the line i can relate to most. I liked this alot. Nice One. Overall Grade: 8/10 |
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11-23-03, 07:15 AM
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#10
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Guest
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IP: C149 8644
much luv...........................
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11-23-03, 08:57 AM
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#11
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Registered User
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IP: 8197 FA9C
yo man, nice piece fo sure
fav line: "tears from your eyes only exaggerate the lies that you told in disguise" I can kinda relate to this piece so it sucked me right in. I can feel the dissapointment, but yet you feel like you love her. Like it's hard letting go... but man, this situation got you an ill piece. Hope to read more from ya soon, and keep ya chin up dawg. resp |
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