RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-25-03, 10:06 AM   #1
Shadowsk8er
New to RB
 
Shadowsk8er's Avatar
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Nov 2003
From: NC
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
newest and latest

IP: D8DC 87A5

it was a dark night
mom drunk ready to fight
stepdad came in smellin like beer
u could feel the tension in the air
then right before my eyes it happened
my mom started snappin
then came his fist from the right
words cant describe how i felt that night
he was a marine six foot five
she was a woman 5 foot and barely alive
i held her in my arms untill she lost sight
while he escaped into the night
only to return the next week
only apologies he could speak
so she took him back without a second thought
right then she tied her own knot
he left her there to die
words cant account for the hate I felt inside
so i put a blade to his gut
said what
then i gave him a six inch cut
as i watched him bleed
he began to choke her on her knee
so i hit him in the head with a pool cue
these words aint fictatious "Steve I hate you"
now at long last ill never see him again
but if i do ill start what i began

__________________
Pain is abscence of tolerance
its the emptyness that conqueres the mind body and soul
Send a message via AIM to Shadowsk8er   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-03, 02:27 PM   #2
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: F718 7AAD

Wow, this has madd emotion. I was definitely feelin this. Everything was good on this. The only thing, not too many are gonna respond to yours, dats cause u havent responded to anyone else. The key to it is to respond to more ppl and u should get more responses. But newayz, back to this. I thought it was good. Emotion, flow, structure, everything. Overall good job. Keep it up. Much respect.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-03, 02:59 PM   #3
uraddiction
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2970 7FD1

great poem ton of emotion runn through this the flow and the structure was good overall pritty good. keep up the good work and please respond to others
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:10 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.