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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-06-03, 12:58 PM
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#16
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Guest
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IP: 0363 C8E2
liked the closer alot on this one kinda brought the whole piece together. the flow wa s decent a little rough for me to follow in certain areas the rhyme scheme was correct overall this was clean nice story tellin-1
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12-06-03, 01:03 PM
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#17
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Guest
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IP: 4191 D1DC
it took a while to get in the flow but after u did i thought it was good. it had great emotion.u could feel it was straight from the heart. good job keep that shit up.
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12-06-03, 01:04 PM
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#18
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Guest
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IP: CEF5 716F
Deep
I could see where you were coming from work on structure |
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12-06-03, 01:10 PM
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#19
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Flyweight
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IP: 7B47 7A87
I thought the rhyme was tight, the way it flowed was easy to follow, and I didn't mind reading it because it kept my attention. The only thing I would have changed was calling the subject a "bitch" because of it's definition. I do like the last line at the end "coz the only thing i could call my bitch..... is my wife". It kinda puts the whole story together. Good work man, keep it up!
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12-06-03, 02:23 PM
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#20
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Guest
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IP: DF7B C8F7
thnx for all the feedback again much appreciated
upin' |
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12-07-03, 07:21 AM
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#21
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Guest
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IP: DF7B C8F7
didnt mean to offend ne female mc's in here, jus couldnt fink of another title
ppin' |
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12-07-03, 01:23 PM
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#22
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Veteran
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IP: 791F 2F35
Surprisingly good verse here, dawg...
I was pretty sure I was gonna hate it cuz of the title, but it turned out to be pretty deep with good emotion in it. Wasn't thrilled with your rhyme scheme at the begining, but you picked it up and your flow improved as the verse went along. I'd have added some more complex vocab to this... But all in all, pretty dope piece...7.25/10 And if it's true, man... Then take care of that wife and daughter... I know of which I speak. Peace
__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
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12-07-03, 01:51 PM
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#23
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Basically what was said before. The opening line threw me offf for a minute but you made up for it. Keep spittin mayn.
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12-07-03, 01:53 PM
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#24
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Guest
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IP: A78B 4E05
good shit dawg
good flow nd i found the rhyme scheme not too bad and good topic ................................................ |
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12-07-03, 02:26 PM
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#25
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Guest
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IP: DF7B C8F7
uppin
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12-07-03, 02:39 PM
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#26
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This is my first post!
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IP: AB91 8AE3
i dont like it
4/10
__________________
Reppin NUCLEAR CONCEPTS Grimey - Records |
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12-07-03, 02:54 PM
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#27
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A King Missing a Queen...
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IP: 8D7B 43DF
It was straight hommie. Everything flowed alright, maybe work on rhyme scheme and vocab. But that is the only thing lacking. It was a pretty good read, you got potential hommie...
Keep elevatine --> Return the favor and check the flow in my sig ( The Link ) OUT -High Class a.k.a Confusion
__________________
 Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
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12-08-03, 02:58 PM
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#28
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Guest
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IP: DF7B C8F7
last time uppin'
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12-08-03, 03:19 PM
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#29
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Guest
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IP: DF7B C8F7
THATS GOOD FOR YOU THA REAL RAPPERZ
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12-08-03, 05:20 PM
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#30
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Middle Weight
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IP: 2DF8 44D6
Surprisingly good story........however.....I think the rhyme scheme should be worked on a little......sometimes you would rhyme "day" and "day" and that just doens't sound right.
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