|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-09-03, 12:11 PM
|
#16
|
|||||||
|
Veteran
|
IP: FF89 3C60
Well then...
Drop feedback on this... And I'll give ya something on yours... This might be more to your liking... Peace Born's Holiday Message
__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
|||||||
|
|
12-09-03, 12:20 PM
|
#17
|
||||||
|
OriginIll
|
IP: D79C 2834
Cam This Is Seriously An Ill Piece... The Metaphors You Used Were Perfect... The Flow Was Off In Some Spots But Not Enough
To Effect The Overall Quality Of The Piece... The Plot & Story Line Was Very Imaginative... Overall It Was Definately Dope Man... Peace |
||||||
|
|
|
12-09-03, 02:13 PM
|
#18
|
||||||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 3354 DAC6
Quote:
It was told from the girls, my sisters, view you dip shit .. lol .. you didnt read the line before where it says 'the girl then spoke:' ?! Dumbass.
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t  ^This is your IP bitch! |
||||||||
|
|
|
12-09-03, 03:06 PM
|
#19
|
||||
|
Over Weight
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Wow cam I don't know what to say, I think this is one of the best open mic pieces i've ever read. I'm not just blowing air up your ass, this could be a legend, the vocab, the metaphors, the flow, and just how you could of imagined an placed this whole thing out, I will be damned if this doesn't become a legend.
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
|
|
|
|
12-09-03, 03:21 PM
|
#20
|
|||||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 3354 DAC6
Heh .. this was for my first week in the RSTL .. the biggest and best topical league on the net .. i had to come with something decent. = )
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
12-09-03, 04:10 PM
|
#21
|
|||
|
...
|
IP: 911F 0299
o.O
see, I told you I would reply, hoecake man...your rhymes seem so forced in the italic portions of the writing, but maybe it's just the different accent. But with some of them....I couldn't even see any similar sounds...oh well. work on that. but that's my only helpful crit. the rest is all "wow, you're such a good writer" and "have my babies!". Jerk. Anyways, I actually wasn't expecting the twist at the end...I had figured out that they were relatives, but not that he was the other kid. great work, dood. Can you acutally order a shot on the rocks? wouldn't ice take up too much of the shot glass?
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
|
|
|
|
12-10-03, 01:16 PM
|
#22
|
|||||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 3354 DAC6
^ It rhymes, technical details dont matter.
Never heard Nelly?!
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
12-10-03, 08:00 PM
|
#23
|
|||||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 3354 DAC6
and he who hoots in anothers silence ..
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
12-10-03, 08:07 PM
|
#24
|
|||||||
|
Suspended Suspense
|
IP: FAD9 BD2A
ill shit fo sho... nice concept, had meaning, and sounds like your family life is nothing pretty, but with that said, flow was great except for when i came down to the father, his whole part of the story kinda threw it off track, but you caught your flow back as soon as mom showed up, everything was impeccable, great concept again, enjoyed reading it, only thing i could find to bitch about was the dad parts flow being off...
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|
12-11-03, 03:51 PM
|
#25
|
|||||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 41DD F926
^
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
|||||||
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
