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12-12-03, 05:34 PM | #1 | |||||||
Ya Mama's Favorite
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<--The Rightous Wrongdoing-->
IP: 2E41 1D87
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96720
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98127 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98149 Flashing back, ’85. feelin the snot run down my nose But more intrigued by a need for answers, young frown exposed./ From the question I had for olderstatsmen of foundation The lessons to lad slowly shaken by bounded patience/ “How does this make sense!?”….It is what it is; the reply But the shit is a fix, thats how MY conscious explains it/ Now here comes the hair on my balls, so the air in my gull To speak out is deep, mental weeds spouts through deep pavement/… They say get..education though higher learning, can’t be taken away But how can that matter if the chance isn’t displayed in the phase?/ And fuck the government, talk ‘bout “the economies down” my ass… Stop hounding my pad to fight for that 87 billion you crowned Iraq/…that’s bullshit So I’m left to pull shit and deal with logic, since pimps don’t pay taxes And $5.15 don’t pay house notes, Imma make my means with ASAP ness/ “When worse comes it worse rip people off first”, yhea they condemn that Chop a piece off a nigga check and can’t get a pot hole fixed where I live at/ It don’t seem right…it don’t seem right now Imma be doin what seem right The grease derived in schemes make the meek deprived of things../ Come to theories as I think this while lights out, sleep refuse to engulf me Vexed that I’m at work everyday but the fuse is not why I’m in a dark scene/……….. Last edited by D-Dizzle : 12-13-03 at 10:37 AM. |
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12-12-03, 05:53 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
it seams a little off when i read and you also seamed to alter topics to quick i t went from being on you to being in generak sence other then that you utilized masterful skill in structure and word usage and made me a believer in yur talent.
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12-12-03, 08:06 PM | #3 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i think the flow fell nearly every line...could see what yuou were trying to do...but jus seemed to be worded in a was that knocked it,,,,,some good vocab though n ya scheme was ok.....jus htought it could have been executed better...not bad....pZ.....
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12-13-03, 01:07 AM | #4 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
This was a alright piece here i thought...structure seemed pretty good in this overall.....but the flow fell off a lot in this i thought as well....your vocab was nice in this though...but overall this was alright...keep at it.
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12-13-03, 02:24 AM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 2A26 A9C2
i found the flow right off on this piece
very deep, i liked it alot topic, ehhh, but you worked it good 7.8/10 |
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12-13-03, 09:38 AM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 4954 ED33
The flow was off.. The meaning did lack.. It was from an interesting read.. Just elevate by getting more into the concept and making it flow.. I don't mean no hate.. I'm just offering my well earned knoweledge.. You may think b'cos your record is better not too listen to me.. But Trust..
Go return the favour.. |
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12-13-03, 10:36 AM | #7 | |||||||
Ya Mama's Favorite
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IP: 4B9C 5971
^^Naw no beef, I listen to all feedback.
I kinda of knew that the replis was gonna say the flow was off, thats cuz its difficult to intreprent the way I flow on a track into text...I put very hard accents in my rhymes to make words go that wouldn't normaly go, I rhyme syllables more than words, like They say get..education though higher learning, can’t be taken away But how can that matter if the chance isn’t displayed in the phase?/ Taken away played in the phase/ both those have 4 syllables even though the words don;t match on text and the dis in displayed I only rhyme the played part not the whole word displayed PLus alot of lines don;t rhyme traditionaly like... “How does this make sense!?”….It is what it is; the reply But the shit is a fix, thats how MY conscious explains it/ of course the 2 end words don't rhyme, thats cause I rhymed "how this does this make sense" and "conscious expains it" if you say it out loud you can see how it rhymes, both have 6 syllables..... I also rhymed " is what it is" and "shit is a fix" also I got tired or rhyming like ...............ab ...............ab/ a long time ago... But like I said I kinda knew that was gonnabe the responce, it's it's hard to intrepent sound without sound...so yhea..I'll return the favor on everybodys shit.......up |
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12-13-03, 11:49 AM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
nice shit dawg keep ya head
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12-13-03, 07:52 PM | #9 | |||||||
Ya Mama's Favorite
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IP: 15D5 B7A5
aiight, thats a good look. Up^^^^^^^
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12-13-03, 07:57 PM | #10 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 64C2 D7B2
pretty good drop...
your flow wasnt the best and your rhyme scheme was ok.. good vocab though keep droppin |
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12-13-03, 08:46 PM | #11 | |||||||
Banned
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IP: BD18 BFF7
i'm sorry man but that just wasen't good. U have some potential but u need to sharpen skillz. Also if ur gonna make it that long keep it intresting or make it short and to the point
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