it was a very used topic done in a very original way so props for that. The structure really added to the affect here as the short lines flowing into one another actually gave the reader a sense of the speed increasing, so again well done on that. only wrong thing was what atticus said about keeping the mystery but thats not too bad of a criticism lol, very well done, sometimes people forget that the simplest of poems can be the most effective but u proved it. RTF plz on w/e, preferably 'dead weight'

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This is my sig. what?

I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =)

I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks!