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12-22-03, 04:04 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Its Called Daddy And Mommy (its A Little Twisted But Oh Well)
IP: CEF5 716F
Daddy and mommy love each other so much
a closed fist blow is Daddy's loving touch they never do kiss but i know that they care Mommy screams affectionatly as she is dragged by her hair Daddy threatens the worst, I guess he loves her to death Mommy loves him so much that she cant even catch her breath or maybe that has to do his hands on her throat Daddy is leaving again ill go get his coat Mommy says she' be ready when that bastard comes back she has a new toy nine, all of its black oh yea, now we can play cops and robers oh what fun wait here Mommy ill go grab my cap gun Daddy returns and he slammed the door "what are you going to do with that you stupid whore?" they started with out me, Mommy shot twice I always get to go first Mommy that wasnt nice Now the real cops are here and they are taking Mommy away I dont want you to leave, Mommy please will you stay Daddy is really playing the part, he has a sheet over his head he really knows how to act like he is dead They will come back soon they always do cause Mommy loves Daddy and Daddy loves Mommy too Kevin Donovan |
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12-22-03, 04:17 PM | #2 | |||||||
Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: 4577 CD9A
This was an awesome piece man. Every line was impactful, this was poetry near its prime, the story unfolded in such a dark yet innocent way, much props, kevin, and btw weren't u here a while ago or am i insane? either way, dope drop, 1luv.
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12-22-03, 04:30 PM | #3 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 8197 FA9C
powerful piece man
kinda dark but that's just the way I like it... really impressive work. Keep droppin, hope to read more of this soon resp |
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12-22-03, 04:47 PM | #4 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 399E F0FD
..Very touching,powerful,emotional....etc...this was an excellently written piece...you obiviously put lot of thought in to in and you deserve lot of props for this piece...
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12-22-03, 05:35 PM | #5 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 5587 5814
nice peice Kevin, you expressed how most kids dont understand mum and dad relationships and whats goin on. very stong peice. keep it up
peace ~roX~
__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas |
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12-22-03, 06:41 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 0270 F202
Dang man that hit home so hard I think I might cry. I like the realness and the fact that it shows how innocent little children are when it comes to understanding adult behavior! Good work man!
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12-23-03, 02:30 PM | #7 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
this really got your message across, strong and powerful!
i like the twist you gave this, with the kid's thoughts and all. it was nicely written, with tons of emotion. you did i good job showing your thoughts. was dark, but so real. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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